Judge — April 6, 1918 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Why They Revolted By Kexxetu L. Roserts HE editor of the Petrograd Social Reg- I ister was ina é “Look heresky associate editor anxiou: “what are we going to do about using the names of the officials of the Russian republicovitch?” “Ask me a harder onesky,” replied the associate editor, who was young and inex- perienced. “All you need to do is to leave blank pages at the beginning of the book, and explain in the preface that the names of the government officials should be inscribed on the blank pages by hand as often as they obtain their jobsoff.” The editor shook his head dubiously. “Your suggestion is no goodovitch,” he ob- jected. “You forget that the persons now in power might accidentally happen to retain | their positions until after the Social Register appears. In that case they would claim that our failure to print their names proved that we had no confidence in them. On the other hand, if we include their names among those in the book, and they fail to retain their positions, their successors will claim that we were in sympathy with the preceding incum- ——— bents. Whatever we do, we will probably fail p_..., by E. W. Keatnue to satisfy anyone, and we will finish by trying . tooutrun the bullets from a machine gunsky.” “Dey done gone refuse me in de army. De sojer doctor done say: ma teef Ta the Dulets pom a machine gunsky- was no good. : ne associate editor removed his green Fo de Lawd, chile has dey come to dat? I knows ver had ter shoot de eyeshade rolled down his sleeves and put on — enemy, but [didn’t spec yer had ter bit em.” his coat. ‘If that’s the way it standsoff,” | said h I’m going out and join the first | bombsky squadovitch I can find.” In this resolve he was joined by the editor; and since all the other revolutionists whom they encountered had revoluted for similar reasons, they enjoyed themselves immensely. All Dissatisfied By ‘Tost P. Moxcan “Q)NLY an occasional man is content with his condition in life,” philosophi- cally said the landlord of the Petunia tavern. “The good fishing is always farther down the creek. Opportunity is forever away over yonder. Every farmer wants to move to town and run a grocery store. The average city man believes he could make a fortune on a chicken farm. The girl who has a good home longs to leave it and work her head off as a motion picture actress. The man who has the respect of his fellow citizens yearns to lose it by going to the legislature. The lank youth in the shoe store pines to show the world Draven by A. Hexnen that he can beat Francis X. Bushman Forex Fanatwanp (After several hours of trench digeing)—I enlisted for this own game. It is said that all his a change from farmin’, but, by Heck! war is just like farmin’, only there's a__ life Edwin Booth wished to be a black-face yoshderned sight more of it! comedian. And so it goes.” XUM