Judge — March 30, 1918 — page 31: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

brows, (to me) igeon- frame, >, clad smile, | Jsome art of confi- know a 8 a g XUM March 30, 1918 FUNNY THINGS IN A SOLDIER’S LIFE An honorarium of $5 will be sent by Juve to any member of Uncle Sam's fighting forces on land or sea those contribution to this department is selected by the Editor as the funniest camp or ship story of the week. Accepted original jokes are paid for at the rate of one dollar each. Send in your humor, boys. More Camouflage See the three daring submariners who have glimpsed the sportive whale in the offing. We guess it’s the offing. Note the pose of eager interest in the sailor who observes the whale through his binocles—or is it barnacles? In the sequel, to the right, the trickery is revealed. of the whale’s interior decorations as Noah did. You get as intimate a view The luckless submarine! Another victory for Sammee.—Wadsworth Gas Altack. Extracts from the Dictionary of an Observing Sammy By Frank Slater, Headquarter 55h F. 4. Brigades, Camp Sevier, Stum—A regulation army stew consist- ing principally. of Olive Drab “spuds” and “canned Willie.” Mitr-Gtommer—An epithet affection- ately (?) applied to a Sammy who has succeeded in having the captain point him out as a “model soldier.” Soury—A popular designation of the one bugle call which a Sammy takes great pleasure (and still greater alacrity) in answering. It is also known as Mess Call. Bunk Faticue—The most popular form of recreation in the army. To take it, a Sammy has only to stretch himself at full length upon his bunk while still in “heavy marching order.” No Sammy was ever known to require a second lesson in this method of recreation. Soarsups Row—A line of houses in an army post, occupied by enlisted men whose wives increase their income by doing Sammy’s washing. A visit to this interesting avenue will usually lead Sammy’s prospective bride to postpone the wedding bells until Sammy attains the rank of General. WANTED—AN IDEA! WHO CAN THINK OF SOME imple thing to patent? Protect your ideas, they may bring you wealth. Write for ‘Needed Inventions” and “How to Get Your Patent and Your Money.” | Randolph & Co.. Patent Attorneys, Dept. 129, Washington, D.O. | Gor#ez CGARS | FOR g MEN 1GAR: BRAINS GARS “MADE AT 4a WweEsT— —Seventh Regiment Gazette K. P.—An officious title given to a Sammy whose turn it is to put in twenty- four miserable hours assisting two ex- blacksmiths (now army cooks) to prepare the mess. He assists by washing all the pots and pans; pecling the spuds and onions; washing dish-rags and catering to the slightest whims of the cooks. At the end of his tour of duty he wonders vaguely just why they call it “being a Kitchen Policeman.” Mritt—The place where a Sammy who | has questioned the authority of his illus- trious uncle is temporarily assigned for duty. The assignment carries with it the honor of having an orderly in attendance every time the Sammy goes out for a walk. But as the orderly carries a rifle, and as the place of abode is the guard- ‘house, this form of distinction is seldom appreciated. Guarpuouse Lawyer—The first indi- vidual to greet an unfortunate Sammy when he enters the Mill. After inquiring vaseline Us S.Pat.om. arbolated Carbol JELLY A safe, convenient antiseptic for home use in dressing cuts and sores, good for corns. Sold at Drug and General Stores everywhere. Avoid substitutes. Write for illustrated booklet describing the various “Vaseline” Preparations and their many uses. Mailed free on request. CHESEBROUGH MFG. CO. the nature of Sammy’s offense he can tell him exactly “‘how many days and how much of a ‘blind’* he will get.” As the guardhouse lawyer has himself been many times before the summary court officer his painfully acquired legal talent is usually respected. Quartermaster Gait—A phrase rep- resenting an unwritten service law per- taining to speed, and which any Sammy sent out on a fatigue detail rigorously adheres to. His interpretation of it, however, is usually as follows: “Got six years to do this in Don’t give a damn if I never get it in.” * Blind—Is slang for fine. A Neat Place Emmet D. O'Brien, Co, 30, 1661 Depot Brigade, Camp Lewis, Wash Taps—Pretty neat place you have here. Asuare—Sure, it’s the Orderly Room. Quite Evident A barge full of Q. M. supplies had sunk at the dock during the night. At the investigation the sentry during whose guard the barge sank was being questioned. President of the board (severely)—What in your opinion caused the barge to sink? Sentry (a bright recruit)}—Too much water got into it, sir. Try a) Chest FREE!