Judge — March 30, 1918 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘*No Man’s Land” By David Robinson apis clever picture, iz full colors, just as it appeared on the cover of a recent issue of JUDGE, mounted on a heavy mat, .11 x 14, ready for framing, makes an attractive decora- tion for any man’s “ Land.” It will be mailed post free upon receipt of twenty-five cents, cash or stamps. Write Judge Art Print Department 225 Fifth Avenue New York City or send the attached coupon Judge Art Print Dept. 225 Fifth Avenue New York City Enclosed find $.25, for which please send me one copy of “No Man’s Land” as advertised. Nate sis 23556605 Giadin tases sierseninwnis Address ccs csswssanecesvsemeusassess From the Sheridan Reveille Verbal Mule Mixture Not every mule skinner can boast of a B.A. university degree. But Jack Heil, B Co., 112th Field Signal Battalion, does. And furthermore he says the degree helps out in his work. You see Jack’s mules, like all other mules, have stubborn dispositions, and had it not been for his college training, Jack would havi S. O. L., when the order came out prohil “mule cussing.” Jack studied French, German, Latin, Span- ish and a little Greek when he was in school, and now instead of cussing his mules he takes all the foreign tongues, mixes them up considerably and then hands the result out to the mules when occasion demands. It has the same effect that cussing would. Jack’s mules answer to the names “Archi- medes,” “Atlas,” “Hortense” and “Oscar.” He learned the two first names along with the foreign languages. Giggles As soon as a man begins to think he under- stands a woman she docs something that makes it necessary for him to go back and start his understanding all over. From Trench and Camp Gloomy German Germ “What’s the matter, little microbe?” in- quired the typhoid germ. “T’m utterly discouraged,” replied the an- thrax-bacillus. ‘Here I am employed in the military service of a great emperor. Even if I earn the iron cross I’m not big enough to wear it.” Yes, that first night hike was a great little experience, wasn’t it? But as you put one foot down behind another—or did you?—didn’t you feel a trifle like the hunt carried on by a colored gentleman who looked long and searchingly for a coal-black cat in a pitch-dark room? And, as you remember, the cat wasn’t there? French Fried By Charles Wayland Town Hungry privates practice their newly hatched French on the mess sergeant. Waggoners try it out on their Percherons; camion drivers on Pautobus; muleteers on their hardtails. Listen to the lay of the latter, as he addresses a team of Jacks from the north end of the dead-ex Stude- baker: “Alley veet, you long: qwah do you hesitate? Voi you stir, you knock-kneed, spavin-jointed, cow- hocked annimow domesteek de gerr! Say, I'll give you just cen minoot to avangsay. If, at the end of that time, you do not sashay, I’ll bombard every one of yez wid a bisque de hard- tack on de rascen de queue. Following this assault and battery in two languages, the team proceeds, the wagon creak- ing and groaning under its burden of firewood. Fifty yards away, the muleteer meets a dough- ed boches; poor- Not a pied do | A Valuable Tip UDGE was one of the three most popular in a list including all the leading magazines “The happy medium,” Judge, furnishes welcome relaxation for war-stru serves. It is welcomed throughout the army and navy. Stick a 1¢ stamp on the cover of this issue, next to poset Burieson’s notice, and drop in the mail; the Government will’ send it to soldiers or sailors at the front. Do this every week, and you'll make life that much cheerier for the men in camp and “over there.” Or send us a dollar and a soldier’s or sailor’s name and address — either at camp or at the front —and we'll send him the next 13 issues. Address Judge, 225 Fifth Avenue, New York City boy, who immediately japes at the driver for the snail’s pace he’s hitting. “What is dis—a funeral?” “Naw,” says the mule-whacker, to his towering load of white birch, “ see? Dis is a carte blanche.” At this nefarious pun, the mules plunge from the straight and narrow and spill the birch in the ditch. Philosophically, the driver whips out his ‘French for Beginners” and searches for appropriate epithets. Fifteen minutes later, he sulphurically re- christens the whole bunch, as follows: “I know yuh now, you blitherin’ chevals with tates de mootang; you, with the red muzzle, you're a batenwar; you with th’ fishy eyes, you're a horse de combat; you with the saddle gall, you’re a piece de resistance, and you, you shrivelled nosed roan with the PDQ brand, you're a patty de fawh grah soup song what’s shy on de ontaunt corjahl. And the whole mangey bunch of yez can go to La Crosse for your pum dee tare before yez gets another wisp of foin pressay or an oat ordinaire out 0’ me!”* pointing can’t yer Civilian (to soldiers digging a trench)—What are you doing, digging a trench? Soldier—No, we're digging a grave for a rookie who was on the rifle range the other day. The lieutenant told him to hold his breath while he was pulling the trigger. The trigger got stuck, so there you are. With the present vogue of short skirts it is sometimes hard for some women to conceal the family skeleton. Quick Relief for Husky, Beet al Drug Stores “Sesope for trocent staens Frederick Stearns & Company, Detsoit, US. A. Mahere of NIP-A-CO lasative cold tablets ROMEIKE?’ S PRESS cuTTinc BUREAU We will send you all newspaper clippings which may appear about you, your friends, or any subject on which you may want to be “up-to-date.” Every newspaper and periodical of tmportance in the United States and Europe & | searched. Terms, $5.00 for 100 notices ' HENRY ROMEIKE, 106-110 Seventh Ave, N.Y. A Th outstr row W “y togeth «S editor Jerem It beg printe An the wi 4 Ty Th quarte and ge The insani ftor. Gerali My T pMyW «g «y | cise ir | here f ar sevent An waste vhis nz (He's Comicbooks.com