Judge — March 23, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

With Due Honors La moderna custodia. ‘The modern coal-bearer.—Esquella (Barce- Iona). ACTOR Studying for the Screen—“I heard from Umson last week.” “What is he doing?” “Attending some kind of a school in New York.” “Getting on all right?” “Broke an arm last week, he told me.” “Whee!” “And the week before that he sprained an ankle “Well!” “One day he nearly lost an eye.” “T never did believe in too much school athletics.” “This is different.” “In what way?” “TI asked Umson what he meant by that kind of conduct and he said if he holds out long enough he is going to be a moving picture actor.”—Youngstown Telegram. The Grand Finale—“Who is that quaint character you were talking to just now?” “An old-time theatrical man. He has traveled continuously with ‘Uncle Tom’ shows for 30 years. “Well! Well!’ “And in that time has contributed no little to the uplift of the drama.” “In what way?” “He estimates that he has stood behind the scenes and helped to send little Eva to heaven not less than 5000 times.” — Birmingham Age-Herald. A Big Undertaking—‘“ Who is this person?” “He's the husband of a musical comedy star.” “T know the type. I dare say he never does a lick of work.” “You do him a_ great injustice. He keeps a card index of the lady’s photographs. I assure you, he has his hands full.” — Birmingham Age- Herald. Obsolete—What’s become of the old- fashioned comedian who used to say “how do you like codfish balls?” and che other old-fashioned comedian who used to reply “I never attend any”?—Youngs- town Telegram. Nightmare —N. Y. Evening Mail. | JUST KIDS | Waiting—Twelve - year - old Tommie was helping his uncle gather tomatoes from the garden. He started to work energetically, but by the time his basket was half filled he grew tired, and he put it down on the ground. For several min- utes he stood still, without doing any- thing. “Well, Tommie,” said his uncle. “I’m afraid that you are not a very good worker. You must work faster than this, or I'll have to fire you!” he added. laughing. fter a few minutes he looked up again. Tommie was still standing in the same place, watching him intently. “What’s the matter, Tommie?” his uncle asked. “I’m waiting to be fired,” said Tom- mie-—Youth’s Companion. Treasure Trove—For some reason the Sunday school class had become inter- ested in Methuselah. At their urgent request the teacher related all the authen- tic information recorded in the Bible about that amazing man, also various anecdotes gleaned from less_ reliable sources. In conclusion she said: “Now, is that all? Are there any fur- ther questions you wouild like to ask about Methuselah?” “T'd like to know,” said the most in- terested youngster of the lot, “where all his birthday presents are buried!”— Galveston News. Some Composition—The teacher told his class that in writing compositions they should not attempt any flights of fancy, but only what was in them, As a result of this advice, a tenderfoot wrote the following composition: “We shall not attempt any flites of fancy, but wright just what is in you. In me there is my stummick, lungs, liver, two apples, two cakes and my dinner.” Christian Herald. Appropriate Title—‘‘ Edgar?” “Yes, mother.” “What are you children doing?” “Playing royalty. I am a Knight of the Garter and Edwin is Saturday.” “That is an odd name for royalty.” “Oh, it just a nickname on account of his title. “What is his title?” “Night of the Bath.”—Youngstown Telegram. To Save His Crown Gugliclmone—Quel Wilson mi ha messo in un bello imbarazzo! Bill—That fellow Wilson has put me in a fine fix!—L’ Asino (Rome). comicbooks.com