Judge — March 23, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| CRITICAL | Caution—“ Darling, I have made up my mind to ask your father for your hand. What do you think is the best way to approach him?” “Archibald, I wouldn’t approach him at all, Use the telephone.”—Florida Times Union. An Important Fact—“Mr. Sorrell proposed to me, mother.” “And you accepted him, I hope.” “No, mother. I could never love a man with red hair.” “But, my dear girl, you should con- sider the fact that he has very little of it.” —Boston Transcript. A Suggestion—He (after a long si- lence)—I wonder how things are develop- ing in Russia. She (with an unsuppressed yawn)—If you only stay a little while longer you can find out by the morning papers.—Balti- more American. u A Difficult Case Old Gentleman—What are you crying for, my little man? Boy—Boo-hoo! I’m lost! I’m lost! Old Gentleman—There, there, my boy. You mustn't give up hope so soon. Where do you live? Boy—I don’t know! Boo-hoo! Old Gentleman—Well, what's your name? Boy—Don't know that cither. M-m- We moved today. mother married again today!—Passing Show (London). Not Above Reproach “Encore en retard pour diner! descendre, eh! froussard!” “Late for dinner again! come down, you wretch!"—Le Péle-Méle (Paris) Ose done I just dare you to Symptoms—First nurse—He’s very feverish, and his temperature has risen to 105. Second nurse—I think he must be going to propose, dear.—London Opinion. Solicitude—Rich old uncle—And re- member, dear, when I die all that I have goes to you. Niece—Thank you, uncle. Do let me give you some more of the mince pic. Milestones. USINESS Encouraging—“There’s a man out- side who says he’s your tailor and wants to see you about a bill.” “Tell him I’ve gone to attend the funeral of a rich relative from whom I expect to inherit a great deal of money.” “Have you lost a relative, sir?” “No; but that fellow has been here so many times I feel I ought to say some- thing that will make him feel better.”— Birmingham Age-Herald. B Too Prompt—First credit man—How about Jones of Pigville Center? Second credit man—He always pays cash, so we don’t know how honest he is. —Boston Globe. Spare Time—“What do you do in your spare time?” “Tn my spare time I usually write the letters that I should have written when I was loafing on the job during business . hours.” —Detroit Free Press. Rebuffed—A stranger knocked at a man’s door and told him of a fortune to be made. “Um!” said the man. “It appears that considerable effort will be involved.” “Oh, yes,” said the stranger, “you will pass many sleepless nights and toilsome “Um!” said the man. “And who are you?” “T am called Opportunity. “Um!” said the man. “You call your- self Opportunity, but you look like hard work to me.” And he slammed _ the burgh Post. door.—Pitts- Feud Nipped in the Bud—“A mer- chant in our town put out a sign reading, ‘Business as Usual.’” ival across the street put out a sign reading, ‘Business Better Than Usual.’” “How did the other fellow come back?” “He didn’t have a chance to come back. Just about that time Dr. Garfield issued his fuel order and both had to shut up.”—Birmingham Age-Herald. Once Was Enough “Shall I go over it again, sir?” », thanks. I heard ‘every word you —Snark’s Annual (London). [war Her Idea—‘ What is that ‘escadrille’ I see mentioned so often in the war dis- patches?” “One of the new war dances, I pre- sume.”’—Detroit Free Press. Had Said “*Amen"*—“ What were you saying, Homer?” asked a mother of her six-year-old son. “T was praying God to kill all the Ger- mans; then our men wouldn’t have to fight.” “Oh! you must not pray to God to kill all those men——” “T can’t help it now, mamma; it will have to go, ’cause I have already said ‘Amen.’”—Harper’s Magazine.