Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| CONSERVATIO Just a Bite—‘Say, John?” “Well?” “Did you feed the furnace?” “You could hardly call it feeding. I did give it a little light lunch, so to speak.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Last Straw—Waiter—Cup 0’ tea, penn’orth o’ hazelnuts, a small lemon, a stone ginger, a munition beer and one ’am sanwidge. Wot the bloomin’ busi- ness is a-comin’ to I don’t know!—Pass- ing Show. Jewelry—Knicker—How much coal have you? ’ Bocker—A solitaire and several bril- liants.—New York Sun. Blames Hoover—“ My friend, there is really no excuse for your not looking neat and clean.” “Sorry, mister,” explained Plodding Peter, “but I’m conserving my bit along wit’ de rest 0’ de folks. You jes’ hap- pened to hit me on my soapless day.””— Washington Star. Economy—“ To-morrow,” said the gentlemanly clerk at the stamp window to a fair customer, “the three-cent rate on letters goes into effect.” “Oh, isthat so?” she responded. “Then you may give me a dollar’s worth of two- cent stamps, please.” —Har per’s Magazine. “Comment, Lucie! Voild plus d'une heure que bébé pleure, et cous lisez?” “Oh! mais, madame, il ne me gene pas!” “What, Lucy! ‘The baby crying for more than an hour, and you reading?” “Oh! but. madame, he doesn’t me!"—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). bother The Difference—The heatless movie theater, with its opportune darkness, will not offer serious difficulties to the younger couples. But the married folks may have ahard time keeping warm.—A kron Times. Altogether Different—‘ Hotel v ers are not at all like they used to be. “No. Formerly you told a waiter what you wanted to eat. Now he tells you what you can have.” —Washington Star. Bolshevism “Tenez ferme, je vais tacher d’embringuer la France et U Angleterre! “Hold steady! Lam now going to try toembroil France and England.” —La Victoire (Paris). EFFICIENCY German Methods—Marshal McCar- thy, of New York, was talking about a German spy. “The Germans make good spies,” he said. ‘‘There’s something in the German mind which finds spying very congenial. “A German likes to do things by roundabout methods. He calls it diplo- macy. A German was once entertaining a friend at dinner, and his wife said: “Our new cook is no beauty, but she’s the best servant I ever had.’ “*No, she’s no beauty,’ said her hus- band. ‘She's got a very fine pair of eyes, though. Don’t you think so, Fritz?’ “*Fine, large, bright eyes,’ Fritz, the guest agreed. “Nice arm, too,” said the host. ‘Beautiful, rounded arm. Did you notice it, Fritz?’ ““Tdid, certainly,’ said Fritz. ‘Lovely arm.” “*As for her ankle—— “But here the lady of the house rose and hurried to the kitchen. Loud cries and a banging and clattering noise ensued. “What's that?’ said the guest in alarm. “It’s my wife,’ said the host, ‘dis- charging the new cook.’ “*So?’ said the guest. ‘But——’ ‘The fact is,’ the host explained, ‘my wife liked the girl’s cooking, but I couldn’t stand the way she prepared sauerkraut. It gave me indigestion.’ —Dayton News. Smooth Work—“There goes a chap who started on a shoestring and now he’s independently rich.” “He must be a man of great business ability.” “Not particularly. He married money. The dainty boot of an heiress came un- laced one day and he was Johnny-on-the- Spot.”—Birmingham A ge-Herald. An Excellent Manager—“ What kind of a housekeeper did Flubdub marry? Some say she’s a poor manager.”” “T should consider her an excellent manager. She makes him get the break- fast and they take their dinner out.”— Louisville Courier-Journal. Sensible—Did your wife give you a smoking jacket to wear around the house?” “She was going to; but she took a look at the coal pile and then bought me a big overcoat and a pair of ear muffs.”— Washington Star.