Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Under Cover—‘“Speaking of false hair. oven” “T suppose no woman ever admits that she wears false hair.” “No; she keeps that under her hat.”— Kansas City Journal. Up To Date—Marcella—Is Bennic Beanbrough still painting houses for a living? Waverly—Yes, but he doesn’t call it that now. Marcella—What does he call it? Waverly—Camouflaging _residences.— Youngstown Telegram. Mother's Idea—Dashing into a gro- cery, a little boy asked for a half a pound of oleomargarin He was being served and the grocer’s man was about to wrap the margarine up in paper when the youngster exclaimed: “Mother wants to know if you won't stamp a cow on it, because we're having company.” —Harper’s Magazine. aaciliebica_ ai | | W aA R Father’s Idea—The father in this moral little tale is a local manufacturer. z ngs hadn’t been going well at the works, and he came home tired the other evening. But father is never too tired to help Willie with his arithmetic. So when Willie looked up from his book and asked— “Father, how many cents make a dime?” “Ten,” replied father. “And how many mills make a cent?” pursued Willie. “Not a dam one of ’em, till this coal situation loosens up,” answered father, emphatically.—Cleveland Plain Dealer. Seems Reasonable—A young cavalry officer was taking a stroll early one morn- ing, when he came upon one of his men trying his best to get a horse to jump a fence. After watching the greenhorn for some time the officer said: “How do you expect to get that horse to go when you’ve only got one spur on?” The recruit looked down at his boot and replied: “Well, sir, if I can only get that side of the horse to go, the other one is bound to keep up with him.” Answers. ’—London Right and Left—Sergeant (drilling awkward squad)—Company! Attention company, lift up your left leg and hold it straight out in front of you. One of the squad held out his right leg by mistake. This brought his right-hand companion’s left leg and his own right leg close together. The officer, seeing this, exclaimed angrily: Sergeant—And who is that fellow over there holding up both legs?—Chi- cago News. Really Patriotic — He— You don’t think I am lacking in patriotism in not going to the war, do you, Mi a? She—No; I think you are real patri- otic. They tell me they want to make a real showing with our bright boys over there.—Baltimore American. Not Her Job—He was a young sub- altern. One evening the sister in the hospital had just finished making him comfortable for the night, and before going off duty asked: “Is there anything I can do for you before I leave?” Dear little Two Stars replied: ‘Well, yes! I should like very much to be kissed good-night.” Sister rustled to the door. “Just wait till I call the orderly,” she said. ‘He does all the rough work here.”—London Opinion. A Boy's Idea—Recruiting officer—But what would a boy like you do in the army? Lad—Don't you need a caddie to carry the swords and things?—Dundee Herald. Insult—After Injury Nurse (to wounded Scotch Tommy)—You play the bagpipes, Donald. these air cushions up for me.—Tatler (London). I wish you'd blow comicbooks.com