Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Military Regularity—Colonel G—— is a fine commander, but not a musician. He sent for the chief musician of his regi- mental band one day and delivered this scathing criticism: “TI notice a lack of uniformity about the band which must be regulated. Yes- terday morning they were out on parade, and the largest man in the band was play- ing a little bit of an instrument—flute or something of the kind—and you had the big drum played by a small man. That sort of thing doesn’t look well, and must be attended to. Iwantthesmallmentoplay smallinstruments and the big men the big instruments. And another thing—I want the trombone players to slide their instru- ments in and out in unison. Itannoysme to sce them all out of step with their hands.” —Pittsburgh Chronicle Dispatch. The Russian **Peace Angel" De Russische ersatz-Vrededengel. A substitute for the standard kind, but declared to be just as good.—De Amsterdam- mer (Amsterdam) DOMESTIC An Attentive Student—Miss Alma was rather a talkative young lady, and her bosom friend, having missed her for some time, called to inquire the reason. “No, mum, Miss Alma is not in,” the maid informed her. “She has gone to the class.” “Why, what class?” inquired the caller in surprise. That Made Her Madder— “Well, mum, you know Miss Alma is separated on account of incompatibi going to get married soon, so she’s taking —_I_ understand.” a course of lessons in domestic silence.” “Yes, he would never get angry when —Ginger. she was.”—Boston Transcript. Worse Yet—‘ My butler left_ me with- out any warning.” “There are worse things than that. Mine left me without any spoons.”— Houston Post. Inexplicable! “Crest curieux! Cétait si joli sur la gravure! “Strange! It looked so pretty in the picture!"—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). en | ann ta EY JUST KIDS Saving at the Source—In a lesson on hygiene, a teacher, speaking of milk said: “Where is the best place in which to keep milk perfectly nice and fresh during, say a hot summer day One girl—evidently thinking it was an easy question—promptly answered: “Please, teacher, in the cow.” —Boston Transcript. Had Worked Together—Jessenge Who's the swell ye was talkin’ to, Jim- mic? Newsboy together for my papers. an’ me’s worked itor 0’ one o” w York Globe. Same Thing—A small boy had been given a penny with a hole in it. Handing it to a still smaller companion, he said: “Jimmie, I dare you to go into that shop and buy something with this pen is Jimmie was quite willing. Entering boldly, he said: “T want a doughnut.” And, taking it, he hastily presented the penny. “Here,” said the girl, “this penny has a hole in it.” “So has the doughnut,” announced Jimmie, triumphantly holding it up.— Detroit Free Press Non-Committal—Bobdby (entertain- ing sister’s beau)—Effie told me yester- day you was born to be a politician. Mr. Simpton—A politician? Why does she think that? Bobby—That’s what ma asked her, and » you can do so much talkin’ without committing yourself.— Boston Transcript. Why They Were ‘Canned, Per- haps—A teacher who believed in keeping her youngsters in touch with the march of events was beginning a lesson on the recent revolution in Russia “Now, who can tell me what the ruler of Russia used to be called?” she asked. he czar,”’ bellowed the class. “Right! And what was his wife called?” he czarina,” two or three ve “Good,” said the teacher. wonder if you know what the czar’s chil- dren were called?” There was a long pause, then one little voice piped up: “Czardines!"”—Mother’s Magazine. comicbooksic@ry