Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

XUM 03! Of MN y & Si Her Ideal—Dolly—aAt last I have met my ideal! Kind-hearted, modest, pa- tient, self-denying. But, alas, married! Daisy—Don’t worry. No woman will live long with such a freak. You'll get a chance at him.—St, Louis Times. His Delusion—Shke—What an atro- cious necktie! I wouldn’t trust you to select anything, you have so little taste. He (chuckling)—You forget that I se- lected you, my dear. She—You think you did, but you didn’t really. —Boston Transcript. Gone to Her Head—Mrs. Exe—They say she’s crazy over shopping. Mrs. Wye—Sheis. Why her poor husband complains that she pulls the bed clothes off him almost every night—thinks she examining dress goods at a bargain crush.—San Francisco Chronicle. Better Than an Alarm Clock—Exe —Why not have Bridget shut the kitchen door mornings? One can smell the break- fast all over the house. Mrs. Exe—Shut the kitchen door? I guess not. The smell is all that gets the family up.—Boston Transcript. Wifey’s Plan Fails—“There, now,” said the newspaper man’s wife. “This room is to be your den, to do as you please with it. I shall not clean it up at any time. You may throw your papers around on the floor until you are sick of the looks of it. Then you may clean it up yourself, if it ever becomes so bad it offends your sense of decency.” The plan was a great success. No room in the house is nearer immaculateness than the den. It is kept so by the news- paper man himself, who does his reading and writing and paper throwing exclu- sively in the dining-room.—Kansas City Star. He Knew Something About It— “Do you know anything of the art of husbandry?” “TI ought to; I’ve married off five daughters.” —Baltimore American. It Happened in Indiana—On Friday evening Mr. Jackson Stone, of Chicago, and Miss Eva Morris, of Hebron, were quietly married. As sweetly as the blend- ing of two light-beams in the solemn hush that fell over the little company of friends, these two souls melted into each other under the mystic words of union spoken by the officiating clergyman.— Valparaiso (Ind.) Vidette. Looking Backward— Riggs (face- tiously)—This is a picture of my wife’s first husband. Diggs—Silly-looking guy! But say, I didn’t know your wife was married before she met you. Riggs—She wasn’t. This is a picture of myself when I was twenty-five.”— Boston Transcript. Action, Not Words—Sammy—How do you manage to get on so well with the French girls when you can’t speak the lingo? Jackie—You're dead slow. Can’t ye kiss a girl without a dictionary?—Brown- ing’s Magazine. The Surgeon’s Order—“The sur- geon of the regiment was both pro- fessional and military in the order he gave the men when he wanted to vaccinate them.” “What was his order?” c “*Present arms.’”—Baltimore Ameri- can. “Et maintenant, cous m'en metirez 5m, 50 pour un chapeau.” Lady (who has bravely complied with the Government order limiting the material in skirts to four yards)—And now I'll take six yards for a hat.—La Baionnette (Paris). comicbooks.com