Judge, 1918-03-16 · page 16 of 38
Judge — March 16, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces typical of Judge's early 20th-century social commentary: **"Uncle Billy Bright"** (portrait sketch): A character study mocking a small-town know-it-all who claims omniscience about local gossip while avoiding basic hygiene. The satire targets rural pretentiousness and busybodies who fancy themselves wise observers. **"The Club-Marine"** (verse with illustration): Satirizes a club member who monopolizes conversations with tedious war stories and map discussions, disrupting others' peace. The humor lies in comparing his boring monologues to chemical weapons. **"Liberty"** (prose commentary): A comparative definition joke contrasting freedom across nations—Germany's obedience, Russia's chaotic factionalism, America's conditional free speech, and everywhere's wartime price gouging. This appears to reference WWI-era contexts (likely written during or shortly after the war). The page exemplifies Judge's blend of character mockery, domestic humor, and political commentary aimed at educated middle-class readers.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
People You Have Known Judge’s Portrait Gallery By H. W. Dee NCLE BILLY BRIGHT is a sly old dog. He knows just how everything is going to turn out, believe him. He knows how long the new preacher will last, why Sally Allen isn’t teaching in District No. 2 again next year, what Dickey Browne came home from college for, and when the war is go- ing toend. But he won’t always tell. Uncle Billy hasn’t had a shave or a hair-cut or a bath for a long time. And he won't, either. He is too busy making himself and the rest of the folks in Homeburg believe that he is seeing things that nobody else would see in a thousand years. Deep down beneath the scum of his unpretentious existence he is busy at being a wise old owl. You can always tell by the self-satisfied twinkle in his wrinkled, squinty eyes. Drawn by W. O. Witson If anybody ever got to be so ignorant that he didn’t know that he didn’t know anything, Mr. B. Bright is the man. His ignorance has made a “supercutie” out of him. When it comes right down to being the village cut-up, Uncle Bill is the last leaf on the tree in the spring. He believes that the whole world is a mere monotonous repetition of Homeburg. You see, he has never been transplanted. Mrs. Bright takes in sewing and the daughters work in the general store. His Appreciation “Devoted to his wife, is he not?” “Oh, yes! Why, he always speaks as highly of her as if she were a motor car that he was trying to dis- pose of.” A Common One “Who was with you yesterday— your best girl?” “No. It was raining yesterday.” “How much is your sugar a pound?” “Eleven cents, Ma'am. ” “Let me have a “Sorry, Ma’am, but I ain’t got any.” und please.” The Club-Marine By Grorce Cuarrett Drawn by Hocartu, Jr. F all the pests I’ve ever seen The deadliest is the Club- Marine. He lurks about the club at night And sinks a téte-a-téte on sight, Or blows up many a peaceful nap To show how he’s arranged the map. His vaporings make poison-gas Seem harmless as a demi-tasse And liquid-fire or hand-grenade As mild as circus lemonade. Thank goodness Nature guards us well And warns us, by a sinking spell. Liberty By Leanver Turney IN Germany, the right of all to obey the military authorities. In Russia, the right of each fac- tion to navigate its own ship through chaos. In the United States, the right to talk as you please if you don’t act contrary to ihe rules. Anywhere on earth, the right to pay war prices or do without the things. comicbooks,com