Judge — March 2, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AES TAUkamr The Kaiser's Little Plan Restaurateur—Ouore Fail, Francois, coila un client qui m'a tout Pair de couloir s’en aller sans payer? Proprictor of Allies’ Café—Keep your eye on that fellow, Francois! Looks to we as though he wanted to skin out without paying!—Le Péle-Méle (Paris). emer a ee ere ee | PEOPLE | Accidental—Stonewall Jackson was not a man to speak ill of another man without reason, At a counsel of generals early in the war one of them remarked that Major Smith was wounded, and would be unable to perform a certain duty. “Wounded id Jackson. “If that is so it must have been by an accidental discharge of his duty!"—Brooklyn Citi- zen. The Butter and Fido—David Be- lasco was smiling at the extravagant at- tentions that are lavished by the rich upon pet dogs. He spoke of the canine operations for appendicitis, canine tooth crownings, the canine wardrobe, and then he said: “How servants hate these pampered curs! At a house where I was calling one cold day the fat and pompous butler entered the drawing-room and said: ‘Did you ring, madam?’ * Yes, Harrison, I wish you to take Fido out walking for two hours.’ Harrison frowned slightly. ‘But Fido won't follow me, madam,’ he said. ‘Then, Harrison, you must follow Fido.’"—Argonaut. Answering the Admiral—The late Admiral Dewey was a lover of children, and when he took his constitutional, always spoke to those he met “Well, my little man,” said he, to a small boy of the neighborhood, “what are you going to be when you get to be a man?” “Oh, an animal in the navy, just like you,” replied the child, promptly.— Harper's Magazine. No Security—Caillaux kept his safe- deposit box in Rome while Von Bern- storff patronized New York. Neither ap- parently seemed to be sure of the value of a permanent residence in his home capi- tal—Odd Lot Review. Even You—It takes all kinds of queer people to make a world, and you are one of the queer kind. W. Howe's Monthly. | WET AND DRY Intricate Process— ‘What friend Jagsby doing these days? “Research work along scientific lines.” “Indeed? I had no idea Jagsby aspired to be a scientist.” is’ your “He didn’t until liquor became so scarce. He’s now experimenting with grapejuice to sce if there a way to make a soft drink hard.”—Birmingham -Age-Herald. At the Same Time—* Whisky has ruined the reputation of many men.” “Yes,” replied Broncho Bob; ‘and at the same time I ain’t so sure that a lot of naturally no-account men haven’t done their share to ruin the reputation of whisky.” —Washington Star. Disappointed—In a certain Western state two farmers were conversing about their periodical trips to town. “ How is it you no longer put up at the Golden Buck when you drive to mar- ket?” “Why, they are regular take-ins,” re- plicd the second farmer. “Last winter, when I lodged there for the night, they made a great fuss and gave me a big bot- tle to take to bed with me, and when I opened it, what d'ye think it was. Noth- ing but hot water.” —Argonaut. A Gentle Reminder —Kirby in the New York World