Judge — March 2, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

r {CONSERVATION Thrift’s the Thing—‘Times have changed.” “To be sure.” . “A man used to apologize for wearing an old suit.” “And now?” “He brags about Age-Herald. it.’—Birmingham Practically Useless—“This expert adv us to burn wood instead of coal." ’s fine advice,” snecred the city man. “Well?” “ About the only wood I ever see that’s able for fuel is in the form of tooth- picks and matches.—Birmingham Age- Herald. Waste—“‘That_ man ought to be arrested! He threw a lump of coal at a ‘ou going to tell the S. P.C. A.?” I'm going to tell the fuel com- missioner.” —IVashington Star. | CAMOUFLAGE | Reading Character—* Arc good judge of character?” ow, for instance, that dignified looking man over there in the corner of the lobby is a stranger to me, but Ltakehim to be a public man,a states- man, perhaps, who is accustomed to ad- dressing large crowds, has constructive ideas and is at home on the platform.” Ahem!” “You know him?” “Did I miss my guess very far?” “Oh, you could have done worse. He's the proprietor of a medicine show.” Birmingham Age-Herald. you a Glad, Rather—* Are the Comeups in mourning for their rich uncle who left them so much money?” “No, they are only in black for him.”— San Francisco Chronicle. Fooled *Em—* It is remarkable,” said Mr. Gruntler, “how mean some people I had with me ona fishing trip two nds, who evidently were familiar with my reputation as an angler. Before starting one of them made the following suggestion: ‘We will agree that the first one who catches a fish must treat the crowd.’ I assented to this and we The Cause of the Havoc “What's the matter, Eustace? You look as if you'd been in a battle.” “Twas getting shaved by a lad when a mouse ran across the shop. Annual (London). barber, Snark’s started. Now, don’t you know, those two fellows both had a bite and were too mean to pull them up!” “T suppose you lost, then?” remarked the friend. “Oh, no,” replied Mr. Gruntler, “1 didn’t have any bait on my hook.” Toronto Mail. Not So Easy—‘“Marry money, my boy, marry money.” “Um?” “It’s just as easy to love a rich girl as a poor girl.” “But it isn’t as easy to get ’em to marry you, old top.” —Louisville Courier- Journal, Love's Optimism—“Your father didn’t seem cheerful when I told him you had promised to marry me and we wanted his consent.” “Don’t let that discourage you, Ber- tram. Father was always pessimistic. All he can see in you is a clerk at $18 a week. He doesn’t know that you are destined to be one of the greatest finan- ciers in America.”—Birmingham Age- Herald. Where Not to Think—He (proposing in a taxi)—Say yes, darling. She—Give me time to think. He—Yes; but good heavens, not here! —Dallas News. Just As Good— Did you go yachting with your girl this afternoon?” “Oh, no; we just had a little smack on shore.” —Florida Times-Union. A Reassuring Companion “Comment, cous n que la derniére fois?” “Je cous crois: la dernitre fois j'ai tué un ez pas le moindre gibier et cows trouves que cous avez eu plus de chance “What? You haven't bagged a thing, and yet you say you've had better luck than last time?” “T certainly have: last time I shot one of the guests.” —Le Rire (Paris).