Judge — March 2, 1918 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| BUSINESS Dees renee Semmes ere rere amass ae! They Were There—‘ I'm sure I don’t know why they call this hotel the Palms. Do you? I’ve never seen a palm any- where near the place?” “You'll see them before you go. It’s a pleasant little surprise the waiters keep for the guests on the last day of their stay.""—London Tit-Bits. Scientific Facts—Scientists are ting nitrates out of the air, but the West- ern Union has been getting night rates out of people for years. The Danish West Indies Uncle Samish West Indies. Mount Everett is more than five miles high, but the highest land in the world is a corner lot on Broadway.—Roller Monthly, are now the Unanswerable—Customer—I've_tak- en 17 of these bottles now, and I'm feeling no better. Drug clerk—But how would you feel if you hadn't taken them?—Dallas News. Eligible—“What we advertised for was a collector of experienc “That's me. I've been collecting ex- perience all my life.” “Ha! Very bright! However, what we want is some one who is used to col- lecting in instalments.” “Well, sir, that’s how I collec experience, in instalment Transcript. ed all my —Boston Knew His Business—Scene—Musical instrument shop. Master (who is going out to lunch, to shop boy)—Now, my boy, if a customer comes and wants to look at a piano, flute, banjo or mandolin, you know what to show him? Boy—Yes, sir. Master—And if a customer should want to see a lyre— Boy (interrupting)—I'll send for you at once.—Mikwaukee Wisconsin. An Even Break—Do plain girls or pretty girls do better in business? It’s about a tossup. The plain girls don’t make so many mistakes, but there are fewer kicks about the blunders the pretty girls make.—Boston Transcript. The Democratic Touch Kindly old party (to aristocratic-looking lady)—Yus, mum, as I was a-sayin’ 10 my ole man, these food kews does make yer feel more brotherly and sisterly like. Arter we're all birds of a feather, ain't we, mur —Passing Shore (London) _ In a Bombarded District L? Avevere—Merci bien. Que le bon Dieu cous le rende au centuple Blind beggar—Thanks, thanks! May God return it to you a hundredfold!—Le Péle- Méle (Paris). No Stranger “Muriel feared the girls wouldn’t notice her engagement ring.” “Did they?” “Did they? Four of them recog- nized it at once.” | LAWYERS A Hard Knock—During the cross- ination of a young physician in a lawsuit, the plaintiff's lawyer made dis- agreeable remarks about the witness's youth and inexperience. “You claim to be acquainted with the various symptoms attending concussion of the brain?’’ asked the lawyer. “1 do.” “We will take a concrete case,” con- tinued the lawyer. “If my learned friend, counsel for the defense, and my- self were to bang our heads together, would we get concussion of the brain?” The young physician smiled. “The prob- he replied, “that the counsel for the defense would.” —Boston Transcript. Making Opportunity—‘‘ Father.” asked the little son, “what is a lawyer “A lawyer? Well, my son, a lawyer is a man who gets two men to strip for a fight and then runs off with their clothes.” —Buffalo Commercial. A Reasonable Request—Counsel (in divorcee case)—I ask that recess be taken at this point, your honor. Judge—On what grounds? Counsel—My client wishes to change her gown, She hasn’t displayed half her costumes yet. —Boston Transcript. Why They Were There—“ What hor- rible crime was it brought you here?” asked the nice lady of the convict. “We ain't criminals here, ma'am,” said the convict. “We're all the unfor- tunate victims of poor lawyers.” —Detroit Free Press. Business Foresight—‘“The fair de- fendant has been acquitted.” “So I hear. “Ts she thinking of going on the “Notyet. She’s too smart for that. going to marry her lawyer and saveacork- ing big fee."—Birmingham Age-Herald. An Airy Matter—‘ Heard the news?” “What's the latest? “Lawyer Bumptious has gone crazy.” “How did it happen?” “Tried to draw up a law to prevent airmen trespassing in the air above his house after the war and couldn’t decide how high up his rights run.”—Detroit Free Press. icbooks.com