Judge — February 16, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Give and Take—Wifey—Henry, if you didn’t smoke I could have a new hat. Hubby—And if you would live on stewed prunes I could have a steam yacht.—Pittsburgh Press. A Sure Thing—Ah,” sighed Mrs. Jenkin: we're never sure of anything in this world.” “Yes, we are,” replied her husband. “Whenever you are quiet for half a min- ute I am sure that you'll say something soon or burst, and I’ve never missed it —Brooklyn Citizen. Of Course Not—“ There’s a great deal to be said on both sides,” he asserted. “Oh, I suppose so,” she replied, wearily; “but what's to be said on the other side doesn’t interest me.”—Boston Transcript. Not Exactly—Mrs. Bilton—Weren’t you surprised, dear, when your husband gave you such a nice present? Mrs. Tilton—No, ‘as suspicious.— Harvard Lampoon. Brute—Husband—I thought you had given up burnt wood art, dearie? Wife—George, how can you be so heartless! This is a pie.—Hartford Courant. Disobliging “Ne bougeons plus!” “Hold still a second! Don’t move” “He moved.”—La Baionnette (Paris) Insuring Her Stay—Mrs. Fusshod» —If I don’t get a letter from you every day I'll feel so lonesome I'll come right back home. Hubby—Never fear; VU write twice a day.—Brooklyn Citizen. Hoovering Him—She (belligerently) —Why weren't you at the station with the car to meet me as usual? He (meekly)—My dear, you ought to get into this habit of some meatless days.—Dallas News. To Fit—Lady (entering bank, very busi —I wish to get a Liberty Loan bond for my husband? Clerk—What size, please? Lady—Why, I don’t believe I know exactly, but he wears a fifteen shirt.— Indianapolis Star. Surprised—Mr. Brown—I had a queer dream last night, my dear. I thought I saw another man running off with you. Mrs. Brown—And what did you say to him? Mr. Brown—I asked him what he was running for.—Blighty. Back at Him—Wife—There is no calamity can befall a woman that I have not suffered. Husband—Wrong, my dear; why, you have never been a widow. Wife—I said calamity, sir.—Tit-Bits. Tough Ones—‘Listen to _ this, Maria id Mr. Stubb, as he unfolded his scientific paper: “This article states that in some of the old Roman prisons that have been unearthed they found the petrified remains of the prisoners.” “Gracious, John,” exclaimed Mrs. Stubb in horror, “those are what they call hardened criminals, I expect.”— New York Globe. The Restaurant Habit—Wife—But But why have you put your friend’s things in the dining-room? Hub—Oh, he’s used to restaurants; he won’t enjoy his dinner unless he can watch his hat and coat.—Boston Tran- script. Encouraged—“ Mr. Dubwaite, I have been talking to you for the past half- hour.’ “TI was vaguely aware of it, my dear.” “Umph!” “If you will keep on talking for about five minutes I will be in a position togive you close attention. I’ve nearly finished this magazine article I’m reading.” —Bir- mingham Age-Herald. comichookssa