Judge — February 16, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

] MUSIC ‘| Uninitiated—" The reason you don’t like Wagnerian music is that you don’t understand it.”” “That’s one of my two objections to it,” replied Miss Cayenne. “I don’t understand it and I don’t like the way it sounds.” —Washington Star. The Difference—“ What is that tune you were playing on the piano?” “That isn’t a tune. That is a sonata.” “What’s the difference?” “Well, with a sonata it’s hard for the average listener to detect mistakes. With a tune you've got to know pretty well what you are about.” — Boston Transcript. Any Good-By Would Do—“Shall I sing Tosti’s ‘Good-by’?” inquired the young man who tries so hard fo be enter- taining. “T don’t care whose you use.” replied Miss Cayenne. “And don’t bother to sing it. Just say it.”’—Washington Star. f | SCANDAL Another Precinct to Come In— “Poor Mrs. Brown. I hear she has had a lot of trouble about her husband.” “Yes, poor dear.” “T understand there is a scandal mixed up in it.” “But have you heard the worst? N—no— I haven't heard what Mrs. bout has to say about it yet.”— Florida Times-Union. Folly and Wisdom—* People take a peculiar interest in scandal.” “Yes,” rejoined Miss Cayenne. “Everybody can tell you that Solomon had numerous wives, but very few can recite any of his wonderful proverbs.” — Washington Star. Waiting for the Worst—Madge— Poor Helen! Has the worst been told? Grace—I think not. We are waiting for your version.—Boston Transcript. YOUNG THINGS Cinched —“Isn’t_ he rather fast, dear?” asked the anxious mother. “Yes, mamma,” replied the girl, “but I don’t think he will get away.” —Argonaut. Time for a Change—Patience—l gave Phil a lock of my hair, last night, and he was crazy about it. Patrice—Pshaw! Why didn’t you give him the whole switch? It’s time you changed the shade again, anyway.— Yonkers Statesman. Father Knew—“ Father.” said viva- cious Vivian, as she lay in the hammock on the Palm Beach hotel piazza, “this place seems just like home.” “Yes, it’s the dearest spot on earth,” promptly replied father, putting away his fountain pen after writing a check for that week’s board-bill.—Froth. Too Often “Down"'—" Do you go in for aviation?” he asked the beauty of the high-class girls’ school. “No; not foraviation. One goes in for sea-bathing, but for aviation one goes up.” —Tit-Bits, False Pretenses—Some girls will split a pea with a silver fork and put on more airs than a rural jay—when their lover is around. Let him leave the parlor and shut the door and go home and they will go into the kitchen and eat corn beef and cabbage enough to founder a mule.—Red Lodge Boomer. Native Inquiry—‘The cook burnt the steak again,” exclaimed the experi- enced housewife. “Dear me!” exclaimed young Mrs. Torkins. ‘Wouldn't ordinary coal have been a little cheaper?” —Washington Star. Wrong Number—‘“No, Freddie, I cannot marry you. The man who weds me must be a grand man—upright and square.” Freddie—Y ou want a piano, not a man. —Philadelphia Ledger. Doctor or Plumber Required? She—The doctor, ’e sez to me, “Mrs. Stubs,” ’e sez, wot’s wrong with yer is a thorough derangement of yer whole cistern,” ’¢ sez.—Tatler (London.)