Judge — February 9, 1918 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Camp Hardships—“ How does your son like army life?” “Not very well. He says he doesn’t mind marching when the band is playing, but he finds it mighty hard to get up any enthusiasm over chopping wood or peel- ing potatoes without musical accompani- ment.”-—Detroit Free Press. The Thrills of Youth—After all the joys of youth are fairly well distributed between the sexes and, while a girl does not know the thrill that comes when one gets into one’s first pair of long pants, though even that may fall to her lot Lefore long now, on the other hand a boy doesn’t know what it is to be a girl and walk around town with a soldier in uni- form where the other girls can see.—Ohio State Journal. Unobtrusiveness — Officer (having pulled up recruit for not saluting) —Now then, my man, don’t they take any notice of officers in your battalion? Recruit—Well, sir, it ain’t that exactly; but I’ve always been one, you might say, to keep meself to meself.—Punch. The American Habit—Harry (just “out” )—Listen, Bi Sounds like ole Fritz comin’ over in the mud—squish squash, squish squash. —Bil/—'That’s orl right—that’s only the Americans fur- ther up a-chewin’ their gum rations.— London Opinion Purely Futurist A professional event that is on the square.—II 520 (Florence). All Clear Now—Old farmer (to soldier son just returned from the Front)— Well, Dick, what be these tanks like that there’s so much talk about? Son—Why, they're just wobbling thingamabobs, full 0’ what-you-may-call- “ems, and they blaze away like billy Old farmer—Ay, 1 heard they were wonderful things, but 1 never could get any details afore.—Tit-Bits. Same Place—The major—My dear Lady Maud, where did you find that m nificent complexion? Lady Maud—Where you lost yours, Major — in a_ bottle. — Philadelphia Ledger. we have this eve- Military Dignity—‘*M. the pleasure of your compan) ning, Colonel?” “Company, madam? I command a regiment.” —San Francisco Chronicte Not Altogether Foolish Germania (to Michel)—Lach maar niet t¢ hard. Ons stalletje komt misschien ook nog eens aan de beurt! Germania (to. peasant)—Don't laugh too hard at what Russia is doing. Our own stable could stand a cleaning out!—De Amsterdamer (Amsterdam). On the Range—The recruits weren't doing very well at rifle practice. “Look here!” cried the instructor, “what's the matter with you fellows? There hasn’t been a hit signaled in the last ten minutes.” “I think we must have shot the marker, sir,” replied one of the men.— San Francisco Chronicle. Outranked in the Kitchen—The son of the well-to-do family had recently joined up as a private, and was spending his leave at home. Returning from a walk, his mother espied a figure in the kitchen with the housemaid. “Claren she called to her son, “Mary’s got some one in the kitchen. She knows perfectly well that I don’t allow followers. I wish you'd go and tell the man to leave the house at onc Clarence duly departed to the kitchen, but returned in about half a minute. “Sorry, mother, but I can’t turn him “Can't turn him out? Why on earth not?” “He’s my sergeant! ”"—Saturday Night. His Excuse for Calling—A member of the American Lafayette squadron had to make a precipitate descent and was fortunate enough to come down at a British aerodrome behind the lines, not, however, without mixing up things a bit. After rescuing himself from the tangle of wire he limped slowly up to a “ brass hat.”” “Are you the big noise of this joint?” ed. “Tam the commanding oflicer, if that hasanything to dowith it,” was the reply.” “Well,” said the American, “I just looked in to tell you I have spread the gasoline tank on your front grass plot.”"— London Tit-Bits. he Willing to Explain—Staf’ colonel— Your reports should be written in such manner that even the most ignorant may understand them. Sergeant—Well, sir, what part is it that you don’t understand?—Christian Register.