Judge, 1918-02-02 · page 33 of 36
Judge — February 2, 1918 — page 33: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This February 2, 1918 page from *Judge* magazine contains mostly humorous domestic anecdotes ("Passing the Mustard") typical of the era—jokes about newlyweds, stingy wives, and generous hosts. The central cartoon, labeled "Ride a Rail / The Procession," depicts Egyptian deities in a parade or procession, likely satirizing contemporary events through classical/mythological reference, though the specific target is unclear from the image alone. The page's most substantive content is a serious poem, "A Serious Time," mocking pessimists through exaggerated catastrophe—late trains, droughts, earthquakes, lemons as the only fruit. This reflects wartime anxiety (WWI was ongoing). Adjacent text promotes the Third Liberty Loan, a government bond drive to finance the war effort, appealing to citizens' patriotic self-denial. The Egyptian Deities cigarette advertisement occupies the right margin, unrelated to editorial content.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ie girls cdding. mpted, I know ythly February 2, 1918 collection of his wife's relatives) —A Some men do have good luck.—Stray Stories. “ you for money? fresh eggs from my pl Passing the Mustard Luck—Mrs. Newlywed—Henry, do you re- member Jack Watson? Well, he has just been married, and to a girl of absolutely no family at all. Mr. rufywed (looking sadly around at the -h-h me! Worthy of Praise—“ What sort of a man The best ever.” Would you lend moncy to him?” “As to that I can’t say. I've never lent him any. I've only borrowed from him.”—Detroit Free Press. Helps Herself—“Is your wife always after “No, she nev “Happy m: “She just ta sks me for a cent.” Baltimore American. Her Ideal—Dolly—At last I have met my ideal! Kind-hearted, modest, patient, self- denying. But. alas, married. Daisy—Don't worry. No woman will live long with such a freak. You'll get a chance at him.—St. Louis Times. Pleasantly—‘‘ How’s your boy, Josa, getting along with his studies?” “Pleasantly,” replied Farmer Corntossel. “He don’t bother ‘em none.”—AM innea polis Tribune. She Didn't Understand—"I should like tomeet this Lady Eglantine I see mentioned so much in the papers. She must be over here doing war work.” “Lady Eglantine is a hen.” “S-s-h! You shouldn't talk that way about the nobility.” Sayings Before the War—‘ Whenever you are out of gasoline, Hank, come over and help yourself out of the tank in my garage.” “Jabez, help Mr. Jones to some more of the roast beef.” “Till send you over a couple of dozen nice “How many lumps—three or four?” me more butter, mister?” Light or dark meat? Take a little of both.” “You haven't eaten half enough, Mr. Jones.” “My wife never likes to see anybody leave our table hungry.” “Are you sure five is enough? You had better take ten.” —Brooklyn Eagle. That Wasn't All Pauline—Did you start that awful story about Lucy? Penclope—Indeed I did not. Pauline—Are you positive? Penelope—Yes, positive; and I didn’t let it Stop with me, either. A Serious Time By Warren G. Dory WHEN the pessimist’s dreams come true, Ah me, what a time of woe! The sky will be black, not blue; And ‘the grass will be indigo. The earth will groan ‘neath an adverse + fate, And all of the trains will be nine hours late! Alas for the droughts to be And the seasons of chilly rain! Alas for the misery And the widespread grief and pain! The land will suffer from hunger and thirst, And the fish won't bite though you try your worst! Calamity grim and dire And earthquake, ruin and flood; Tornado and frost and fire Till man’s middle name is mud. The only fruit will be lemons then To pucker the lips of the sons of men! And all the hopes we hope And all of the things we've wished Will vanish out of our scope— Forever and ever “dished.” The stars will drop from the weary sky, And the babies all will awake and cry! And out of the wreck of it all, Arising to have his say, The pessimist loud will baw!: “Now what did I tell you, hey?” At last he’ll smile as he scans the view— That day when the pessimist’s dreams come true! The Third Liberty Loan HE third Liberty Loan will undoubt- edly exceed in amount not only its two predecessors in this country, but any sin- gle war loan or any other loan ever offered in the history of the world. The probable date of offering will be March 1st. No loan of such proportions can be success- fully absorbed unless the entire nation re- sponds to the offering and every citizen prides himself on the practice of self-denial that he may ability. The number of subscribers to the last loan has been estimated at 10,000,- coo. Proportionally for the new loan it must exceed 15,000,000, or contain one in six at least of all the men, women and children in the country. ubscribe to the limit of his Scanty Accommodations WALRUS in an Arctic sea Can find abundant space, But in a Pullman washroom he Is greatly out of place. Tennyson J. Daft. Wall Nuts By JAMES MONTGOMERY TLAGG This clever picture, in full colors, 11x14, mounted on a heavy mat, ready for the frame, sent prepaid for twenty- five cents. Judge Art Print Department L 225 FIFTH AVE. NEW YORK CITY comicbooks.com