Judge — February 2, 1918 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Cuts the Hurt out of Cuts Disinfects and_hasters healing of wounds and abrasions. Vaseline S.Pat. Off. Carbolated PETROLEUMJELLY Sold inmetal-capped glassbottles and sanitary tin tubes at drugand department stores everywhere. Illustrated “Vaseline” Booklet free on request. CHESEBROUGH MFG. CO. (Consolidated) 35 State Street New York City To My New Shoes By Srricktaxn Gituian TWELVE-BONE kicks! [ used to say That any human who would pay So many shekels for a pair Of things upon his feet to wear Was foolish of a millionaire Or both—you know in many a case Great nd great wealth keep pace. But here am I, a roll-less wight, In dozen-dollar shoon bedight! Tone time thought I blew myself When clerks rolled ladders past a shelf To find a pair that set me back One-fourth of what, at one fell whack, I paid for you whose every track Resembles, in my tearful lamps, ‘The U.S. mint’s expensive stamps. I scarcely can believe it true I'm wearing costly things like y And yet, as I more clearly view you, I can ascribe no merit to you That was not found in shoes that cost Much less. I feel that I have lost, As though at feathered songsters tossed, The difference between your price And cost of those no whit less nic Now whose the fault, you rapid riser? I think Th i WHIT . Vatteyv GEMS Look and Wear Like Diamonds GO) _Prilliancy guaranteed 25 years. Will nd fire tests stud, (regular dias nd moot ond mount- ent for Freel ect atioe hi “Money In Advance. wi Re today for HITE VALLEY GEM COe eerie 828 Wulsin Building Ind Wizard Repeating LIQUID PISTOL Will stop the most vicious d. man) without permanent Injury. Pertecty eal to carry wtthout danger of leakage. Fives and recharges by pulling the trigger. Lauds trom any liquid. required. Over & shots fn one loading. All dealers, ‘He. iter wovered Meleter, 100. With Pistel, She. Money stamps, we cele a ‘294 Sheffield Ave., Dept. E, Brookiys, N.Y. Classicus Biographicus By Frank Carcos, Grirrimt ZORGE WASHINGTON was in- tensely annoyed whenever he found a lot of loose tacks in his bed slip- pers. Tax without representation was what he kicked against most. Alexander Hamilton grew frantic if he discovered burrs in his bath robe, espe- cially aaron burrs. General Grant’s especial aversion was against having his chair pulled from under him when he was about to sit down ata banquet. Ben. Franklin disliked sand in his oat- meal. He had no crop. . King Edward the Seventh, it is said, disliked having ice water, or even cracked ice, poured down his back, inside his col- lar. He said his choler ros Captain Kidd’s strange aversion was the sight of a gibbet. It is said he would go blocks out of his way to avoid one. Daniel Webster for some reason or other, could not be induced to sit down on sticky fly paper. Stephen Girard refused point blank to read any book before the leaves were cut. Julius Caesar's mortal dread was to have the iron enter his soul, but it did. Augustus Caesar, of the same_ ilk gnashed his teeth whenever any of hi minions greeted him with “Hello Gu Cleopatra is said to have gotten red in the face whenever she used rouge. Queen Victoria also positively not sleep between damp sheets. Benedict Arnold, while he had no ear for music, recognized the Rogue’s March whenever he heard it, and had goose flesh. Wellington abhorred jokes, and when- ever fried chicken, Maryland style, was served, his eyes flashed fire if he were asked if he liked the boney part. Alexander Third of Russia would insist upon having a new Cossack each meal bite through his cake and plum pudding to de- tect the presence of dynamite cartridges. If the Cossack found one, then there were two or more Cossacks at that particular meal. That Lump in Your Throat By McLanxpsurcu Witsox T COMES when you chance to be near His pipe or the chair where he sat, It comes with a hope or a fear— There's nothing unmanly in that. would It comes with your letters from France, The stories of courage untamed, It comes when a name meets your glance— That's nothing to make you ashamed. It comes when you think of the Hun, - Of how he has murdered and lied, It comes when you yearn for a gun— There's nothing in that you need hide. ’Tis wrong such emotions to check As on through our trials we jog, But if it is sugar, by heck, You're simply a slacker and hog. Send This Issue toa Soldier or Sailor at the Front HEN you've finished reading this issue simply stick a le stamp alongside Postmaster Burleson’s notice on the front cover, and drop it in the mail, The Government will see that it is trans- ported to the soldiers and sailors at the front. Judge. bringing real humor in picture and text, is eagerly looked for by the fighting men to brighten their rest hours Let them shed and relax war-strung nerves. enjoy your copy when you have fi with it, Its Identity “Loogy yuh, sah! Last time we met yo’ specified dat yo’ had a call fum de Lawd to preach. Now, yuh yo’ is, loafin’ on de sunny side o’ de livery stable. Didn’t yo’ have no call, atter all?” “Yassah! I done had de call, but de Lawd didn’t send no plug hat and white vest wid it. And it’s plumb onpossible to preach widout dem utensils.” Huh! Dat wasn’t a call, sah; dess de echo of yo’ own hanker.” "twuz Yep Our troops cannot get flustered And won't get out of step: Just watch when German mustard Is cooled by Yankee pep! Royal Revenge Madge—I suppose she’s tickled to death at having captured that rich young man. Marjorie—I should say so. All the girls she cut out she has invited to the wedding. Personal . He—You know what it means to be tempted, don’t you? She (yawning)—Worse than that. what it means not to be. I know The Family Train works that the wheels may smoothly roll With never a rest to cheer; He stokes the fire, and he finds the coal— But “Ma” is the engineer! E. D. Not Happy Yet “T suppose your littie boy is still happy over his Christmas presents?” “Not quite; he hasn’t broken them all yet.” ————— Ss GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER “Its Purity Has Made It Famo.s” yo ide de lor hit alo comicbooks.com