Judge — February 2, 1918 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

BABIES baby crying about now? Mrs. Bacon—Why, the poor little thing has both hands in her mouth and she hasn’t any place to put her toes.— Yonkers Statesman. Face and Fortune — Rich aunt —1 believe baby is going to be like me. Niece—Good gracious! I hope not! Aunt—Hope not! And pray why? Niece (remembering auntie’s money)— Well, you sce, good looks are such a danger.—Pearson’s Weekly. | DARKIES A correspondent of the Vew York Globe, writing from a port in nce, describes the experiences of a member of the erican Expeditionary Forces thus: Us against the rules to mention names when you write about enlisted men over here, but even the hardest- secret is divulged in this interview with Mr. Sylvester Bogus Johnson of Mr. Johnson was standing on the dock looking over an expanse of salt water such as he had never seen at Nashville. He started the conversation without any preamble from me. “*Man, man!’ he said, ‘Christopho Columbus suah must of had some guts!’ “*You don’t like the ocean, then?’ “Not me, boss, I’se pale from mah trip yet. I’se been an American all mah life. But unless this yere Atlantic Ocean freezes ovah and somebody builds a rail- road back to Tennessee, I’se a European fo’ life.’ “* Parlez-vous frangais?’ I inquired. “*No, sah. Stevedore,’ he replied. “*What’s your particular objection to the ocean?’ The scenery is rotten,’ Sylvester ex- plained. ‘And I couldn’t keep nothin’ on my stomach, except a life-preserver.’ “Got plenty to cat here?’ “Yes, sah. Uncle Sam feeds us right. But chicken is mighty sca’ce. Tain’t had no chicken since I landed. I ain’t even seen no chicken walkin’ around nobody’s back ya’d.’ “*Have you made many friends over here?’ “Boss, these French niggahs ain’t no No Room—Mr. Bacon—What’s the = Y The Drabness of Reality “ Clqwil y a de vexant, c'est que les gens qui vont voir ¢a au cinéma, croient que Cest ‘tournéc’ au bois de Vincennes!” “The exasperating thing about this is that the people who will see the film on the screen will think it was ‘ground out’ in Vincennes park!" —L¢ Rire. good. I saw one to-day with rings in his eahs. I asks him fo’ a cigarette and he jes’ walks away. I done heah him say somethin’ but it didn’t have no meanin’. They weah little red monkey hats and they is just plum ignorant.’ ““Maybe he was a Senegalese?’ ““T don’t care what he was. He's just a plum no ’count niggah. I’se even seen em ovah heah with whiskahs. But they couldn’t speak the English language so you could unde’stand it a-tall. Plum ignorant. That’s what I says.’ “Tf you had to do it over again, would you enlist?’ “Boss, when I made my mark on dat enlistment papah, no one tol’ me about all that watah in this Atlantic Ocean. If they had, I’d still be in Nashville, Tennessee, Too Numerous—A darky employed as an office boy in Kentucky came to work one morning with a face that looked as though it had been ran through a meat grinder. “Henry,” demanded his surprised em- yer, “what in the world has happened . suh, boss,” explained Henry, “I got into a little argument las’ night wit another nigger, and one thing led to another twell I up and hit at him. Well, suh, it seemed lak dat irritated him. He comicbooks.com