Judge — February 2, 1918 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

took and blacked both of mah eyes and bit one of mah years mighty nigh off, and split mah lip and knocked two of mah th loose; and den he th’owed me down and stamped me in de stomach. Honest, boss, I never did git so sick of a nigger in mah_ life!"—Saturday ning Post. Well Described — Putting on one’s overcoat is sometimes so much of an effort that one is disposed to agree with the old negro who said: “Fust yo’ puts in one ahm, den you puts in de uddah ahm, an’ den you gibs a gen’ral conwulsion.”—Chicago Herald. | BOOBS Doing the Work of a Ferry—Bill— Saw Phil running down the street like ih ioday. Gill—What was the matter? Bill—Said he was running for the ferry. Gill—What? Running.for the ferry? Bill—That’s what he said. Gill—Why, wasn’t the ferry running? —Vonkers Statesman. Just as Good—‘How is your boy Josh getting along with his books?” “First rate,” replied Farmer Corn- tossel. ‘He's learned a whole lot.” “Knows more than you do, I bet.” “T won't say that. But he kin tell me a lot of the things I already know in language I can’t understand.” —IWash- ington Star. Stopping His Song Le Défaitiste—On ne devrait faire aux AI mands Nulle peine, mime légére: Mls sont si doux, ces inno . . Pant The pacifist—"V'is wrong to be unkind or rough ‘To our dear friends the Germans; ‘They are so inno “Stop! Enough!” —Le Rire (Paris.) Fresh—Simplicity—Is the light out in the hall? Dullmus—Y Shall I bring it in?— Philadelphia Ledger. A Busy Official—In a recent exami- nation-paper for a boy-clerk’s post was this question: “Tf the Premier and all the members of the Cabinet should. die, who would officiate?” Robert, a boy of fourteen, thought for Rationing: In the Realms Above, and in Those Below: “Brotkarte mitbringen.” “Bring your bread card.” “Haben Sie einen Kohlenbezugschein?” “Have you your coal card?” —Nebelspalter (Zurich) a time, trying in vain to recall who came next in succession. At last a happy in- spiration came to him, and he answered: “The undertaker.” —Tit-Bits. Effective—Unde—The French have gained four hundred meters from the enemy. Auntic—How splendid. That should help to put a stop to these dreadful gas attacks.—Pearson’s Weekly. Likely to Lose—Nervous country gen- dleman (as taxi just mi: an island)— Do drive carefully, please. I’m not accustomed to taxi Driver—That’s funny! I ain’t used to vem, neither, As a matter o’ fact I’ve only taken this on for a bet.—Puneh. Suitable—“I want tosweep the cob- webs from my brain.” “Why not use a vacuum cleaner’ Baltimore American. SLACKERS | Sufferers at Home—Pity the poor slacker. He gets nothing but abuse. He fears to walk abroad by day lest the girls sneer at him on the street; he cannot be bout at night without running the risk that some man will speak savagely to him. That's Marie Dressler’s idea of the Jot of an unfortunate mortal in whose behalf, individually and collectively, she is _bestirring herself. Marie Dressler’s heart is big and broad and kind, and she just can’t bear to see human beings suffer, even though they appear to deserve it. Marie Dressler has started a comfort kit fund for slackers. “Everybody is doing so much for the boys overseas that they take no thought for the sufferers at home,” says Miss “They need our loving c If I can get contributions enough I shall see that each slacker within reach of the mails is provided with a comfort kit t ought to do a lot to put him beyond the reach of mental and physical hardships. 1 have a tentative list of items 1 want to put in the kits.” With Miss Dressler’s permission, the list is presented herewith: One pair ciderdown — blank one camel’s hair toothbrush, one pair felt insoles, one feather pillow, one tin malted milk cubes, one kiddie kar (rubber tired), one orange stick, one ounce cotton batting, one pound cyanide of potassium. The cotton, Miss Dressler explains, is a NS comicbooks.com