Judge — February 2, 1918 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

| | | cow has expire. I wish to inform you, M’sieur Bord of Helt, that my cow she beat you to it—she expire t’ree week ago. Much oblige. Yours with respeck. Pete,—.—Boston Transcript. Real Ladylike—The doctor was at- tending an injured woman who had come to his surgery with her arm severely bitten. As he dressed the wound he remarked: “T can not quite make out what sort of animal bit you. The wound is too small for a horse's bite and too big for a dog's.” “Oh, it wasn't an animal!” exclaimed the patient. “It was another lady.” —Philadelphia Evening Star. A Terrible Quandary—First student —Professor Livingston is in a terrible quandary. Second student—Why, what's the trouble? First student—He has discovered a new disease, and can’t find any germ for it.—London Answers. Big Words—Litile girl—The doctor said mamma must take a constitutional every morning. What docs that mean. Little boy—That means walking. Little girl—Then why didn’t he say so? Little boy—I don’t know, but I guess may be if he called it that he couldn’t charge for it—Ieckly, St. James, Mo. No Surprise —Doctor—This is a very sad case, sir; very sad indeed. I much regret to tell you that your wife’s mind is gone —completely gone. Henpeckt—I'm not one bit surprised. She’s been giving me a piece of it every day for the last fifteen years.—Kansus City Star. She Knew-~‘*Ma_ husban’s very po'ly, ma’am. He’s got dat exclamatory theumatism.” “You mean inflammatory, Martha. Exclamatory is from exclaim, which means to cry out.” “Yes, ma'am, dat’s what it is. He hollers if any one goes near him.”—. York Globe. Longevity—At a doctors’ banquet somebody proposed the toast: ‘Long live our doctors! ‘What on?” asked a cadaverous- looking specimen, rising from his seat. —New York American. Too Professional—Singleton—Doc- tor Pellett is certainly the most absent- minded man I ever saw. Wederly—Is that so? Singleton—Ves; he was married last The Increasing Flood of Regulations In Zurcher Regierangskreisen. kent man sich, laut cigenem Eingestandnis, cor Merordnungen nicht mehr aus. Picture of a modem home and the head of the family.—Nebelspalter (Zurich.) week, and during the ceremony, when he should have placed a ring on the bride’s finger, he actually felt her pulse and asked her to put out her tongue. ~—Philadel phia Ledger. The Better Half Britannia to Lloyd Grorge—You know I love you, but don’t presume too much on my affection, nor forget that I am bigger than you.—National News (London.) | WAITERS Some Waiting—He had just reached the philosophical stage when he slipped into a restaurant for a bit to Then he sat staring ahead, thoughtful in expression, and waited. It isadmitted he did some waiting, too. What happened to his order couldn’t be understood outside the peculiar restau- rant kitchen, but he spent half an hour sitting there staring ahead of him. At last it came. As the waitress put the order before him he started from his deep study as if he had forgotten he had an order coming. Then, look- ing at the fair transporter of edibles, 1; “You don’t Jook a day 1”°—North Westchester Times. Superstitious—Customer—Why do you give me only eleven oysters when order a dozen? Waiter—Oh, sir, I didn’t think you'd want to sit with thirteen at the table, sir.—Town Topics. A Hot-House Product—"“Waiter,” said the diner, “it says here on the menu ‘green bluefish.’ “Yes, sir. That means fresh—right from the water, sir.” “Nonsense!” said the diner. “You know well enough they do not take bluefish at this season.” The waiter came up and looked at the disputed item. “Oh, that, sir,” he said with an air of enlightenment, “that am hot-house bluefish, sir.”—Boston Transcript.