Judge, 1918-01-26 · page 20 of 28
Judge — January 26, 1918 — page 20: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page combines satirical commentary on World War I with period advertising. The left column presents Douglas Malloch's humor column, offering brief social observations about the war effort. **The Satire:** Malloch mocks various aspects of American wartime life—family divisions over military branches, "slackers" (those avoiding service or profiteering), draft dodgers, and soldiers marrying foreign women. He pokes fun at optimists, German diplomacy, and American military readiness. References to "the kaiser" (German Emperor) and France indicate this is WWI-era commentary. The jokes are gentle observations rather than sharp political critique. **The Advertisements:** The right side features National Biscuit Company ads promoting Graham Crackers and Oatmeal Crackers as nutritious breakfast foods—patriotic messaging suggesting these products will "strengthen you for the day's work," implicitly supporting the war effort through consumer goods. The page reflects American WWI sentiment: generally supportive of the cause while finding humor in domestic complications and cultural absurdities surrounding mobilization.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Notion Counter By DOUGLAS MALLOCH UR allegiance is divided in only one re- spect: Just when Henry has us all worked up over the marines, Wesley joins the engineers, Tom the national army, and Phil the national guard. As to the unlickability of the Germans, and when the war will end, and a few things like that, I wish that the Government would get er the excess prophets. There are two kinds of slackers: the man who is trying to get out of the war all he can and the man who is trying to get all he can out of the war. The joke about the soldiers going to France being in transports should be interned for the period of the war. There are a lot of goldbrick operators in this country who are sore now because they never thought of Russia. The German crown prince may point toward France, but the German footprints point toward The soldier who gets married abroad should just stop and think what the girl he left behind him will have to marry Some of our draft slackers seem to think that the pen is more comfortable than the sword. The Italians must get a good deal of amuse- ment out of making the Germans dig trenches. An optimist is a man who says that he will go home and talk it over with his wife. And, when he does talk it over with his wife, he is pretty sure to be talked over. Anyway, it is pretty nearly an absolute cer- tainty that he will be over-talked The only way that Germany seems to be able to starve the English is in prison camps. The young fellow who always wanted to make a trip to Europe now has the chance. A lot of our broncho busters are now engaged in teaching the kaiser to back up. Sleepers have many funny names, but none that is funnier than “sleeper.” You can’t take things by and large any more. You can buy, but not large. Peace talk hath its victories for Germany no less renowned than war. An account of a charge is pleasant read- ing, but not a charge account. The house of Hohenzollern seems to be in for some Spring cleaning. Our flat was so cold last night I dreamt that I dwelt in marble halls. Stop and think if you are right; and, if you are wrong, think to stop. You may wonder what the plumber put in that took so long. It was time. Germany thinks the American army is a joke. Weil, it will get across It is casy for people to get your number, un- less they use the 'phone. German diplomacy moves in a mysterious way its blunders to perform It is better to wear stripes on your sleeves than on your backs. Ii your boy is too rough for a horse-shoer make him a dentist. We are going to pay our debt to France in- stead of to Germany. NATIONAL BISCUIT COM PANY Graham Crackers as a Breakfast Food Tomorrow morning, try a few crisp, appetizing N. B. C. Graham Crackers with milk or cream, hot or cold. Don’t use sugar, as the Graham Crackers are sweet enough without. You will relish this de- licious breakfast food. It will refresh you and strengthen you for the day’s work. N. B. C. Graham Crackers contain graham flour made of whole wheat ground on old-fashioned burr stones. They are appetizing, nourish- ing and satisfying. Pp of Uneeda Biscuit comicbooks.com