Judge, 1917-10-13 · page 14 of 28
Judge — October 13, 1917 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical content reflecting WWI-era American concerns. The main story, "The Way of the Successful is Hard" by Chesterton Todd, depicts a young man who cannot marry his sweetheart because he's become *too wealthy* from war stock investments—an ironic reversal of typical romantic obstacles. The satire critiques profiteering from war; the protagonist's sudden fortune makes him feel morally compromised, suggesting wartime wealth-building was viewed with suspicion or shame. The accompanying illustration shows soldiers in combat, reinforcing the war context. The smaller comic pieces ("The Professional," "Did You?") appear to be lighter humor about military life and civilian ignorance. The overall message critiques how ordinary Americans could accumulate fortunes during wartime while soldiers died, creating moral discomfort about materialism during patriotic sacrifice.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
After the regular drills he would go off nd to imaginary commands go over the whole thing again and again. And he talked constantly to his comrades of the glory of fighting for liberty—for the world’s emancipation—and longed for the day they should make ready in France to ‘‘go over the top.” The captain of his company of course was very proud of Lamaurie. One day, after drill, Lamaurie asked the captain if he could have a few moments with him privately. They went to a room by themselves. “T know you want us to distinguish ourselves over there said Lamaurie earnestly but quietly. ‘I have a wonderful secret. hero.” of the manual of arms. in a corner of the armory Here is something that will make every one of us a lancing cautiously toward the door and an open window, he took from his pocket two small bottles, one containing a yel- low and the other a red liquid “When we get to F go against the Boche: he continued, ‘and are ready to a few drops of this liquid given to each man will make him invisible.” He held up the yellow liquid. “And once ‘over the top,’ a few drops of this red liquid will make every man resume his form and fight like a demon.” The captain took the bottles, and they separated. After this interview Lamaurie was closely watched. It was found that he was sane on all ordinary subjects. Fora time he was permitted to continue his enthusiastic drills. But one day the captain—who had recently consulted an alienist—handed him his discharge from the service without a word of explana- tion, Lamaurie hurried home. ‘What do you think of this, dearest?” He handed Mrs. Lamaurie the document. She scanned it a few moments before realizing it “How did it happen?” she asked, embracing him impulsively. He told her an interesting story. And you are discharged be- cause they think you insane?” she queried, drawing aw “Yes.” “And of course you are not.” “Of course.” He laughed. She fainted again. That night Lamaurie found her door locked. gnificance. From the Pictures Teacher—What was the princi- pal crop of the ancient Assyrians? Willie Willis—Whiskers. Did Yor “What was that? “T said, Ov you ever see a play shocking Uile that lived up o4- 5, ae AN ws? The maiden softly said; And then right out the door The young man quickly: fled “There's something wrong, alas! If that is true,” quoth he; “No amateur will pass In days like these, with me!” —Joe Cone. Ae Over the top with the best of luck. The Way of the Successful is Hard By CHESTERTON TODD “J WANT to marry you, but I can not.” I As he spoke the young man’s voice shook with grief. The beautiful girl to whom he spoke gazed at him in astonishment. “Why, I thought it was all settled, dear!” she said. He sighed deeply as he looked at his watch. “So did I,” he said, “but it may never be. much money.” “Too much money to get married!”” She drew herself up proudly. ‘Such a contingency has never yet faced any American girl,” she exclaimed. “Explain yourself.” “Yet,” he replied brokenly, “it is in reality quite true and simple. A year ago I was a happy man, possessed of a modest income, upon which I proposed to live with the sweetest girl in the world. Alas for my fond dreams! One day in a rash moment, I invested in some war stocks. They went up and I made a fortune.” a The girl at his side smiled at him in her pathetic innocence. She little knew. “Then let us get married,” she said. “What is to prevent?” In answer he again looked at his watch and sprang to his feet. “Farewell, my darling,” he replied, “I shall never see you again, or at least until I am poor. You see, it’s this way. I have to declare my income tax now and keeping the accounts straight for the government takes up most of my time; then I have to subscribe to all the relief funds there are or explain the reason why to all the committees that call. The rest of my time I pass as a witness for congressional investigating committees. Some day, darling, if I keep out of jail, I may sec you again, but while Iam trying to hold on to this money I shall be far too busy to get married.” And he rushed away, mutter- ing to himself. closely followed by two secret service men. I have too The Difference Mrz. Willis—A man marries to somebody to talk to. Mrs. Gillis—And a woman marries to have somebody to talx about. hav War Time Measures “Why do you have all your mail sent to your office?” “Because there's a home.” censor at Suitable Hibbs—They say she won her divorce in a summary suit. Hobbs—So I heard. 1 didn’t see the suit—but they say it would put Justice’s other eye out. Do Not 0 not be a quitter With fear within your heart; And do not be a starter Of things that should not start.