Judge, 1917-10-13 · page 11 of 28
Judge — October 13, 1917 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical poem by Ted Robinson mocks the gap between economic theory and domestic reality. The cartoon shows a soldier stopping a German military vehicle—a visual pun on "held up"—while the poem explores the phrase literally applied to household budgeting. The narrative follows Socrates Smith, who expects his frugal wife to have accumulated substantial savings from ten years of careful domestic management. Instead, her "treasure" barely covers a parlor chair. The satire reveals why: her economies were consumed by medical expenses—an oculist for vision problems, a chiropodist for cheap shoes' consequences, an orthopedist for a child's condition, and doctor bills from salvaging garbage. The poem's moral: rigid personal economy fails without accounting for inevitable life expenses. It's social commentary on working-class financial struggle and the impossibility of genuine savings when health crises and children's needs arise. The title's ironic reference to traffic enforcement parallels being "held up" by unavoidable costs.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HELD UP FOR SPEEDING HOUSEHOLD By TED OCRATES SMITH, on their tenth anniversary, S Said to his wife, “Let us see where we stand: Since we've been wed, you have acted as bursary— All of my wages I've placed in your hand. Something, of course, in the bank I've deposited; Something, I hope, you have got in your closet hid— Something you've saved from the kitchen and nursery; Come, let us count it—it’s time to expand!” So Mrs. Socrates, soul of obedience, Dug up her treasure, nor wished to refu: Got out her books, and explained the expedients Whereby she'd saved upon sugar and shoes; Pitiful pennies she'd cooked up cheap me: Niggardly nickels she'd gone without dres Dimes she had pinched by disguising ingredients Otherwise useless, in hashes and stews! for, for— ECONOMICS Ten years of toil for a treasure so tenuous! ‘arcely enough for a new parlor chair! economy rigid and strenuous Should have produced a more generous share. Where were the dollars she'd saved as a cateress, id such? Had the lady turned traitoress? No—she was nd her grief was ingenuous; I know the answer—I'll write it out fair: Listen! The money she'd saved by laborious Needlework, went to an oculist man. Doctor bills followed her quite meritorious Rescue of garbage from filling the can. Cheap shoes she bought—and required a chiropodist ; Yes, and one child had to see an orthopedist! Saving is fine, and economy’s glorious— When you can dope out a practical plan! comicbooks.qeyn)