Judge — September 8, 1917 — page 22: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE SPIRIT OF FRANCE as revealed in the present war—a spirit that has aroused the enthusiasm of the whole world, and has reared in the Pantheon of every patriotic soul an imperishable monument to the honor and.glory of our gallant allies, is the same spirit invoked by the great Dumas in this series of brilliantly romanticized histories. In the dashing D’Artagnan, the clever Aramis, the melancholy Athos, the gigantic Porthos and the debonair Henry of Navarre, we see the prototypes of the heroes who at The Marne and Verdun hurled back the would-be despoilers of civilization’s greatest gift to man. Dumas’ Celebrated Romances AN IMPORTED EDITION AT A WAR BARGAIN PRICE OF ONLY $2.00 FOR THE ENTIRE SET NEARLY 3,500 PAGES English Ribbed Buck- ram Cloth Gold Decorations Thin, Strong, finish Paper Bible- Large, Clear Type Illustrated Each Volume Size 614x414 inches Get an insight into the great soul of modern France, the fruitage of that fine flower of chivalry which Dumas shows us was ever ready to draw the sword in defense of honor and principle. And remember that in these volumes appear that fascinating creation of feminine charm and diablerie, “Milady,” and that baffling, inconstant, yet ever adorable, *past-mistress in the art of love, Marguerite, Queen of Navarre, famous as the author of the Heptameron. Here’s reading to stir the blood and transport the soul to Olympian heights. Every boy going to France should take along a copy of The Three Musketeers. But get the whole set for him NOW, because they won’t last long. No more after these are gone. SIX IMPORTED VOLUMES FOR PRACTICALLY THE PRICE OF ONE ORDER TODAY You Won't Have Another Chance Like This BRUNSWICK SUBSCRIPTION CO., 1116 Brunswick Bldg., New York City Enclosed find $2.00 in full payment for the six-volume set of Dumas. Send books, carriage prepaid, to JUDGE AS THINGS SEEM N°: I am not going to call this the “‘seemy” side of life. A pun as bad \ as that is positively immoral. Lately I went to a dentist’s atelier near the top of a tall building. I went up the usual number of floors, in fe the elevator. Everything was normal until I sat down in his chair, opened that my mouth and shut my eyes. The last thing I saw before I closed said Mu optics was a little tray on which lay six or seven little dinkuses about the Cc size of stunted crochet needles. Near by dangled a slender cable with stor a wheel as large as the end of a dance-program lead-pencil. . But when I shut my eyes—presto, change—oh! With the accent 7 on the “oh.” sucl He reached into my mouth with a telegraph pole, dropped it on a tooth alte and hit it with an adult pile-driver. He asked me if I felt it. I could not ‘ tell a lie tach He took a crowbar with a bayonet on the end and gouged into a tooth. He swatted around inside a lot and then he got in with the crow- t bar and took several two-handed, full-armed wallops at the inside wall |) go: of a hole as big as the subway. Again he asked me if I felt it. I told I him no. are Then he seemed disappointed, and walked back and forth restlessly in the tooth-cavity he had made, till at last he thought of something else A to do. He clambered out over the edge of the tooth, his hobnailed shoes doc leaving large and deep impressions on the floor of the cave, and pretty ¢ soon he came back with a steam riveter. This he turned loose on another > Sh spot on the inside wall of the mammoth cave, now and again stopping V and putting off a charge of dynamite and using a steam drill. After tos awhile he unearthed a nerve, giving the view halloo as he did so. “ Reaching an enlarged egg-beater inside the eight-inch hole he had just | off? made, he managed to get it entangled in the nerve, pulled it out about three feet, took a clove-hitch in it with the crow-bar, leaped out of my mouth, stepping on my lip as he did so, laid the other end of the crow-bar on his desk and skinned three cats on it. He asked me if it hurt. I didn’t practice deception toward him I took him fully into my confidence as to how badly it hurt. | Then he reached into a drawer, tore off a piece of rubber, the size of a cow-boy’s slicker, measured my lame tooth for a new rain-coat, cut a hole and fastened the thing over said fang with a plow-clevis which he clamped firmly on the tenderest place he could find in my gum. For five years he left that thing in my mouth, while his assistant brought him three barrels of cement, a wagon-load of gutta percha, a bale of cotton and two lard-pails of clove essence. All these he poured into my tooth, leaping upon each wad in turn with his feet. In addition, he used a fifteen-pound sledge hammer to help him tamp. I once knew an Englishman who often damned my eyes. This was : disagreeable, but I should prefer a steady diet of that to an hour or so of you having my mouth damned. pra After a few aeons the dentist yanked that poncho from my mouth. I Z | opened my eyes. I had been in the chair altogether twenty-five minutes, nod and the same little bunch of crochet-needles Jay on the same little tray. The dentist’s feet were perfectly dry, so he couldn’t have been inside _! . ‘ in] that tooth. I felt for the recent cavity, and the newly-polished spot C wasn’t as big as a cross-section of a double-B shot. ¢ Moral:—Things are often grossly exaggerated by getting on our doll nerves. —Strickland Gillilan, ¥ THE CONDUCTOR inn HE conductor is the funny man with the funny voice who takes your tro fare and your smiles or frowns, and tells you where you are when I | you don’t know and where you want to go when you don’t know. It is ‘a rather difficult to describe the exact station in life of the conductor. It is quite evident that if he has a subway or a tunnel run, his station in life C is not an elevated one. late The duties of the conductor are to be looked at, smiled at and kicked c at, to be a father to all youngsters, to be a son to all aged people, to be « friendly with sour people, to be custodian of everyone’s temper, and to be Rec a bureau of general information. The conductor is asked every kind of @ question that the human mind is heir to. He must answer unanswerable k, questions with unutterable patience. He has to answer questions so fast in that he is frequently referred to as a lightning conductor. 8 The conductor wields a great influence for good in this world. He “ helps people to get on and also shows them where they get off. dic —Stuart W. Knight. comicbooks.com XUM