Judge, 1917-09-08 · page 21 of 28
Judge — September 8, 1917 — page 21: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains light satirical humor typical of Judge magazine, mixing a romantic poem with short domestic jokes. The main content is "What's In a Name?" by Clinton Scollard—a playful poem praising a woman's beauty while complaining that her name "Semphronia" is awkward and hard to work into verse. The surrounding jokes mock marital dynamics: a wife notes her husband won't sacrifice anything for her; a husband jokes that statistics proving eight men die to one woman simply show "you can't hurry a woman"; and brief exchanges joke about spousal violence and education. Published September 1917 (during WWI), the page's advertisement for a "War Babies" art print appears to reference war orphans or displaced children—a contemporary humanitarian concern. The Red Cross subscription appeal reflects wartime charitable mobilization. The humor reflects early 20th-century attitudes toward gender and marriage that modern readers would find dated and often offensive.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
September 8, 1917 WHAT'S IN A NAME? By CLINTON SCOLLARD HE’S lovely, that’s by all agree She’s breezy as—the breeze! To tell her varied charms I'd need A book of similes. Her eyes are like the violet; Her talk is never tame; And yet—and yet—I can’t forget Semphronia is her name! She has a graceful pose; her nose Is somewhat retroussé e goes, ho rr she goes, as a winsome way. I've seen her card;—it’s mighty hard, Indeed “a burning shame,” And very trying to a bard;— Semphronia is her name! Her voice has all the lyric trills Of birds upon the wing; Hers is the freshness of the hills— Of daffodils in spring. Her cheeks with sweet blush-roses vie; I know she’s not to blame, Bat, loving her, I wonder why Semphronia is her name! Especially When Going Somewhere I “said Mrs. Peck, “that statistics show that eight men to one woman die sud- I suppose you know what that Yes,” said Henry. “It just proves again that you can’t hurry a woman.” Partial Payments She—You said if I married you, you'd lay down your life for me. He—My lite— She—Well, your life is about the only thing you haven't lain down on! Separating Man and Wife Murphy—Who it that came be- tween Kelly and hi ? Hovley—Well, at policeman the finish it was a Early Rising Indignation S'manthy—If I was married to that lazy Sam Perkins I'd give ’im a good lickin’. Hiram—Well, I” understand she does beat him up every mornin’. Exactly That “Bliffkins isnothing but an educated jackass “Ah, I see! Sort of a burro of information.” The Extra Eye MX conscience is an extra eye, 4 Divinely keen and clear, Located 'twixt my hat and tie And focused to the rear. I see the folly of a thing Just after it is don Which isn’t worth a ding-a-ling, Except to spoil the fun. ’Twere vastly better, I believe, To point that eye afront— I'd like a little chance to grieve Before 1 did a stunt. —Andrew Armstrong. Subscribe tothe m Red Cross # ‘THIS amusing picture in full colors, 9x12, mounted on a heavy mat, ready for the frame, will be sent postpaid for twenty-five cents Judge Art Print Department 225 Fifth Avenue New York City nf “War Babies”