Judge — August 25, 1917 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Siorekeeper—'Course you're liable to be drafted, Luke. THE FIRST KISS describing this thrilling pastime would, if placed end to end, extend one hundred and nineteen times around the earth, with enough left over to provide Emma Goldman with speeches for the next 681 years. If the first-kiss interest were torn out of all the works of fiction in the New York Public Library, there would be a sufficient amount of deleted pages to feed a herd of 250 goats until 1998. If authors’ experiences are reflected in their writings, a number of our leading short story writers have had little experience out- side of acquiring first kisses. The first kiss, to judge from the descriptions, thrills the human frame like a combination of a severe earthquake shock, the explosion of a six-inch shell and the kick of a nervous mule. There are no rules for ason the scoring of first kisses; but there is good re: to believe that the system is somewhat simil: that used by a number of golf players: if the pro- ceedings are sufficiently secret, don’t count. —Kenneth L. Roberts. The Domestic Standpoint Willie Willis—Ma, what is the “lord high chamberlain’? Mamme Willis—He is the man who helps put the King to bed. Willie Willis—And does he have to think up the excuses to tell the King’s wife? We'd hate to be in King Alexander’s shoes even if his Greeks do take a shine to him. HE first kiss has been more widely press-agented than any other branch of human endeavor. The words used in _ three sixes. You ain’t thirty. Loofer—I tell ye | ain't liable, not as long as I'm dependent on my wife an’ children. “Old game of dice with the ever lost was to go over on the side of humanity. So long.” —Benjamin De Casseres. We howe Net Aten he vases Wap” VWeereia” Was a maf thas Seoetd alate deck, da wet, Wiad theiekitay We addy your We Foolish Folks ODAY when I was parched with thirst, I had A cup of water, cold and crystal clear! A little while I was supremely glad That was, of all life’s boons, to me most dear. Today I had grown hungry, and T ate Good, wholesome food that drove the wolf away. My chief desire ‘twas given me tc ic And discontent was taken quite away. This morn I shivered, and put clothing on That lent me one whole hour of content. The trouble that had irked me straight was gone And in its place sheer happiness was sent. The heat oppressed me, and my soul was torn With body-fret that turned my life to grief— I doffed the clumsy garments I had worn And fairly reveled in the sweet relief. No day goes by but that such things occur, Indulging many moments’ dearest dream. Yet when we're asked “Art happy?” we demur And mourn as though joy never showed a gleam! —Strickland Gillilan THE KING AND THE DEVIL HY, what in the world is this, Satan?” asked Saint Peter, who stopped the former, decked out in a Red Cross uniform, as he scooted toward the Earth. “You in that uniform!” aiser,” replied Satan.“ Who- He threw ake ip bet you Hive Cowticg om. we AL agra. fhe Taal (4 be gram). Cam Tin cme lore al ang Vire ickely, Jr UO Merains Jace aud mild us ae 15 IK reaatl’ ANSWERS TO THE ANXIOUS