Judge, 1917-08-25 · page 5 of 28
Judge — August 25, 1917 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Top Cartoon ("Safe"):** Depicts soldiers in a WWI trench scene. The caption shows McCarthy warning a corporal about bad luck from a "six-strawberry festival" and unpaid debts spanning seven years. This appears to be dark humor about soldier superstitions regarding luck and survival in combat. **Main Article ("A Synthetic Idea" by Ellis O. Jones):** A capitalist pitches an inventor on a "synthetic families" formula—artificial family units to solve bachelor loneliness. The satire targets both capitalist commodification of human relationships and the era's anxiety about unmarried men lacking traditional family structures. The inventor skeptically counters that synthesized solutions cannot replace genuine human connection, mocking the notion that market-based formulas can solve social problems.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Corporal—Ye're takin’ things cool, McCarthy, d'ye think ye're at a str-rawberry fistival? McCarthy—No, but Oi had me fortune tould yist'rd’y an’ Oi've been promised siven years bad luck! a hee is my greatest invention,” said the caller as he seated himself in the big chair by the capitalist’s desk. “It is the crowning achievement of my career. I have been working on it for twenty making—revolutionary “Have a cigar,” said the capitalist by way of putting the inventor at his ease. The inventor was not unknown to him. He had gone into several of his schemes and they had not proved unprofitable. “Now what is it this time?” he continued after the cigars had been lighted. “I don’t want to hurry you, but I have to leave shortly to keep an engagement. Is it a machine or a process or an improvement or what?” “None of those. It is a formula, based on a big idea — a tremendous idea.” “Well, fire away.” The inventor looked around cautiously. ‘Even the idea is yaluable,” he said, “but I know I can trust you. You have always treated me on the square. It is nothing more or less” —he hitched his chair up closer and spoke slowly and impres- years. It is epoch- A SYNTHETIC IDEA Ry ELLIS 0. JONES sively—‘‘nothing more or less than a formula for synthesized ——” “Stop!” interjected the other promptly and vigorously. ‘Don’t offer me a formula for synthesized rubber. I have backed three of those already and they were all rank failures.” “No, no, not synthesized rubber. Not at all. My formula is for producing synthesized families.” “Synthesized families! What in the world——” “Sh-sh! Not so loud,” cautioned the inventor. He brought his chair still closer and went on. ‘‘Yes, synthesized families. Did you ever stop to think what a great boon to civilization it would be if families could be synthesized?” “Well, if I know what you mean, I can’t say that I have.” “Well, it would. Now you take yourself, for instance. Here you are past middle age, a bachelor and therefore without a family. That’s the principal reason why I present this propo- sition to you first instead of to other capitalist friends of mine. You have everything that heart could wish for except a family. I’m here to show you how to get one.” “Yes, but I don’t want a family.” “Of course you don’t. That’s because you are altogether too old to go about getting a family in the ordinary old-fash-