Judge — August 11, 1917 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE’S ARTISTIC ALPHABET IS FOR PADDOCK. Whatever He draws is delightfully- clever. His girls’ eyes are lu- minous, Deep and bituminous— His Cupids a happy en- deavor. O FOR AN ARTIST << named —QUEER That there shouldn't be one around here! WANTED: Artist or two Whose names start with Q. Apply ART DEPART- MENT, in rear. IS FOR ROGERS and B For Barksdale, whose couples at tea Or elsewhere employed, Are greatly enjoyed. Did you know they are drawn by a she? _ 4 Borkedole Royo Things We'd Like to See 1, The doctor who cut out our appendix cut out the appen- dix of the lawyer who handled our suit against the railway for damages in that accident. 2. The lawyer who handled our suit against the railway handle a suit against anything or anybody for the doctor who cut out our appendix. 3. Their respective bills. | —Harry Shipman Brown. The Way They Do It Visitor (approvingly)—I am glad to see that your fellow students take their physical training exercises right out in the open. But isn’t that young man there overdoing it a bit? He looks as if he will burst a blood vessel, if he isn’t careful. College Guide (pityingly)—That ain’t calisthenics, madam. He's givin’ ’em the frat sign of the Shinbone and Caterpillars, the most exclusive bunch in college. Enlightenment By LAWTON MACKALL T LAST I have found out the awful truth about humanity. A I never even suspected it. Till last evening I went along my way cheerfully, blindly, never guessing that my fellow-men were steeped in evil. But now I know. My eyes have been opened. For last night I went to one of those enlightening film dramas that reveal life as it is. It was called “Her Blackest Sin,” and it comprised nine reels of terrible truth. It was one of those fine moral sermons to which every mother ought to take her son, and every niece ought to take her uncle, and every stepaunt ought to take her Pekingese. I only wish my daughter could have seen it; but as I haven’t any daughter, she couldn’t have. This drama shows how a handsome but thoughtless woman may sink in sin without ever meaning to. Yes, the strange and pitiful part about it is that she really never intended to be a fallen, crime-seared creature. She sins witlessly: she is scenarioed into it. Perhaps she is too anxious to please. She appears at wild cabarets and wears gowns that are cut to the quick, not because she desires to of her own accord, but because it is expected of her by the audience. Lack of firmness leads to her undoing: she is first pliant, then supple, then sinuous. She displays too little backbone, and too much. Poor woman, what chance has she amid so many dress suits? Only too late does she learn that stiff bosoms cover none but hard hearts, and that there is no gleam so sinister as that of a silk hat. Innocent at first, hardly a reel passes before she begins to stop and work her face, just the way the villains stop and work their faces. (Of course, being still a modest woman, she does this only in the privacy of a close-up.) By the seventh reel even her high-minded husband has become affected with the taint, and is stopping and working his face. And so the drama progresses, growing blacker and more enlightening every minute. I can’t be too grateful to the pro- ducers of this film for the unflinching way in which they ac- cepted the responsibility of my innocence and warned me. If they had not, I should probably have gone to the end of my days without ever knowing that people were at bottom only smiling criminals. But now, thank goodness, I’m warned and on my guard. I'm posted on sin. When aman comes up to me and shakes my hand, I'll know he’s a hawk looking for a home to break up; and when a woman smiles at me, I'll know she’s a vampire. They won’t catch me! I'll just watch them surreptitiously when they are off their guard until I see them working their faces, and then I'll have them! For now I aman expert onevil. That film showed me the thrilling seductions of a life of vice; so that if I am ever con- fronted by them I shall be able to recognize them at once and say how do you do. And at the end there was one of those solemn moral warnings, such as everybody thinks everybody else is supposed to need; so in future I shall know what to avoid in that line. And this entire transformation of my life cost me only ten cents. His Probable Object “Mercy! What do you suppose the baby is crying for: asked the worried young mother. “For exer probably,” a trifle grimly replied the young father. ‘We have given him everything else.”