Judge — August 4, 1917 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Shopping in the City By PAULINE EGGLESTON MANDIGO other day, she decided to embark on a long delayed shopping expedi- tion. Aunt Susan Maria knew exactly what she wanted for both herself and Uncle Hiram. So when her son’s wife piloted her into the woman’s clothing department of one of the large shops and found her a comfortable seat it seemed as though she would soon be supplied. She explained to the saleswoman she wanted a dress with a good, full skirt, long sleeves and high neck and when asked, “Something in sport clothes?” she replied: “Anything, as long as it’s stout and good quality.” When several were spread out for her inspection, she sniffed, ‘There ain’t a mite of use in your pulling down all them ‘target dresses’,” pointing to a sport dress with its gay many-hued circles, “ cause I wouldn’t wear one no how, not if I have to get a bolt of cloth and wrap it around me.” Not finding anything to suit, they adjourned to the corset department, where Aunt Susan Maria asked for a well-known corset. The clerk in- formed her they didn’t keep them and proceeded to advise the old lady to wear a straight front, low bust kind. Aunt Susan listened and replied, “Them kind’s all right for them that likes ’em, young woman, but I’ve wore the corset I want for fifty years, and I intend to wear it for fifty more. I'll get it in Rutland when I go home.” Shoes were next on the list, Aunt Susan Maria declaring they needn't show her “them ’ere fancy top kind with heels in the middle that all the women wore nowadays,” for plain black no. 7 was good enough for her. After a long delay, during which Aunt Susan Maria twiddled her thumbs and knew right well they’d miss the train, the shoe clerk produced a plain, black shoe into which Aunt Susan Maria slipped her hand and opined they’d answer. When the clerk suggested she try them on, she replied, “Shucks! I can tell what will fit without having you try ’em on, young man! I don’t want no one a foolin’ round my feet. I always was ticklish.” Exhausted, Son’s wife suggested they seek the rest room, as Aunt Susan looked rather warm. “Rest room? What for? I hain’t het up a mite. Besides I done all my restin’ fore I started, and ain’t a particle tired.” Timidly, Uncle Hiram touched her on the arm: to buy my things, Susan Maria?” Humorously, Aunt Susan Maria responded, turning to Son’s wife, “We might as well go along, ’cause we can’t take a mite of comfort till he gits somethin’. He’s worse than a pulin’ infant.” On their way to the men’s department in the elevator, she remarked, “Ain’t this just a nice settin’ room,” as they reached the floor and started to leave the car,” but you don’t more than get set down in one of them aligators when it’s time to get out.” To the clerk, she briskly stated her errand: ‘We want a cap for Uncle Hiram to wear when he takes our car out. He wants all the fixin’s so folks will think he knows all about it. No, not one of them choffer caps. My niece said, ‘git the kind a gentleman wears who drives himself.’” She finally selected one which she termed “a cap with a bustle crown,” for forty-nine cents. “Now, put it right on, Hiram, and I'll carry your hat. That’s all we better git you, ’cause, I spent so much for my things. If we have any + money left when we get home, we can get you something there cheaper, and just what we want.” At home when her neighbors asked how she liked New York shops, she replied: “They’re alright, I guess, but ain’t got no variety. Such a small amount to select from I never see! I actually had to wait till I got home J’: before Aunt Susan Maria and Uncle Hiram left New York the “When be you going \ fore I could get what I wanted for Uncle Hiram, he’s so hard to please! itor. | Apologizing for the Vulture HE vulture lacks in culture, likewise in pulchritude; sor His habits are unpretty and his table manners rude. He dines on noisome dishes, but, still, he never lives, No matter what his nei may be, upon his relatives —Tennyson J. Daft. A Suggestion She—The widow Snapper is still grieving over the loss of her husband. atouléWhy doesn’t she remarry? Then she wouldn't have to grieve lone. dh Bia Ta Don’t Let Indigestion Spoil Your Vacation Change of water, change of climate, hotel and dining car food, the inconvenience of traveling—all combine to upset digestion and spoil the good time you are expecting. You can’t carry your own provisions and drinking water. you can be sure to take a bottle of Nujol on your vacation. the surest and safest preventive of digestive troubles. Nujol helps to remove decaying wasie rvatter from the intestines before it has a chance to poison the system. In this way it prevents the head- aches, weariness and depression as well as other more serious diseases caused by intestinal poisoning. Nujol is particularly good for young children. It is excellent for the mother with a nursing infant, as it in no way affects the baby's feeding. The infant will enjoy it and it will do as much for him as it does for the mother. Nujol is not habit forming; the longer you take it, the less you need it. Nujol does not gripe, relieves you of straining, does not weaken (even when taken in large quantities), it is not absorbed into the system, does not upset the stomach, is absolutely pure and harmless and is pleasant to take. Nujol is sold only in pint bottles bearing Nujol trademark— never in bulk. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) But It's wuzol the Internal Cleanser Bayonne comicbooks.com