Judge — August 4, 1917 — page 21: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

August 4, 1917 Passing the Mustard A Strange Proposal—Mr. Millyuns—I will give you my daughter, sir, if you will promise to maintain her afterwards. Suitor—Heavens! You talk as though you were giving away a free pub- lic library.—Boston Transcript. If He’d Cared—Rector’s Daughter—How splendid of Joe Jarvis’s son to volunteer for that very dangerous job! I’m so glad he got the Military Medal. Mrs. Mullins (not to be outdone)—Yes, miss. And my boy could have got it, too, if he’d cared to have taken the risk.—London Punch. Waiting—“ Been hunting today, stranger?” “Yes,” “Shot anything?” “T don’t know yet—I’m waiting for the rest of the party to get into camp so that we can call the roll.” —Country Gentleman. So He Discovered—“ Yes,” said the young wife, proudly, “father always gives something expensive when he makes presents.”” “So I discovered when he gave you away,” rejoined the young husband. —Stray Stories. How Indeed !—Mrs. Johnson—How does yo’ feel dis mawnin’, Joe? Mr. Johnson—I feels bad—mighty bad! I wish dat Providence would have mussy on me an’ take me. Mrs. Johnson—How can you expec’ it to ef you won't take de doctor's medicine?—San Francisco Chronicle. A Narrow Audience—‘“‘I want to reach people in all walks of life,” “That's a narrow audience, old man. Better include all makes of car —Louisville Courier-Journal. A Wonder The strangest man I ever knew Was not a hermit or a clown; The talents that he had were few His efforts brought him no renown; He had no gift of second sight ‘And no uncommon things to say; But he was always as polite At home as when he was away. —Dayton News Sure!—Doctor—Did that cure for deafness really help your brother? Pat—Sure enough; he hadn’t heard a sound for y and the day after he took that medicine he heard from a friend in America.—<A merican Boy. Daughters’ Aiding—‘* His wife ried him to reform him.” “Yep. And now his daughters have come home from college and taken up the job where their mother left off.""—Detroit Free Press. A Reminder—Waiter—Do you mind if I put your bag out of the way, sir? The people coming in are falling over it. Diner—Y ou le: it where itis. If nobody falls over it, I shall forget it’s there.—New Haven Register. Bridget’s Ultimatum—Ars. Youngbride—I don’t want to have any trouble with you, Bridget. Cook—Then, bedad, ma’am, let me hear no complaints.—Boston Tran- script. . Half Mourning—‘I want a motor costume, something in half-mourn- ing.” “Why, what”— “My engine has a habit of going dead.”’—Louisville Courier-Journal. Tit for Tat—Customer, to grocer—I wish you would not give me such short weight for my money. Grocer—I wish you would not give me such a long wait for mine!— Pearson's. Her Grandfather’s Talent—“ Did your daughter inherit her talent for drawing?” “T never thought of it before, but, now that you speak of it, I shouldn’t be surprised if she did. My father was a dentist.”—Dayton News. There's a delicious freshness to the flavor of (Cg sugsestive of @ Serious epring morning on the links — the cool, crisp air—the long stretch of green—the exhilarating thrill of a corking drive that clears the hazards and shoots straight down the middle of the course. ‘Demand the genuine by foll name—eichnames encourage substitution. THE COCA-COLA COMPANY, ATLANTA, GA. \If you can draw a little and |} want to draw more, you have | |an opportunity to learn at small | expense to yourself. EUGENE ZIMMER- MAN has an established reputation as a car- toonist. He has put some of the tricks of his trade into | a book, “CARTOONS and CARICATURES” bound neatly in 34 mo- : rocco, which will be sent to you prepaid on receipt of $1.00. ZIM BOOK 8-4 Brunswick Building, 225 Fifth Ave., New York City