Judge — July 28, 1917 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

July 28, 1917 Modern Improvements By PAULINE EGGLESTON MANDIGO “ 'M! those city people want so many new-fangled improvements, H I guess they'll have to build to order,” Aunt Susan Maria confided to Robey Jane Honey Ella Perkins, after showing a young couple over one of her houses in Main Street, known as the old Amanda Shaw house. The two wended their way back to Aunt Susan Maria’s home on Depot Street, discussing the people who had just declared the house “too old-fashioned.” “They've promised to take it if they can’t find something a little mite more modern,” Aunt Susan Maria said. “Well, modern houses ain’t always the best by no means. Most modern houses are nothing but hot weather houses, full of chinks and cracks to let the air in. They're all right in summer, but in winter give me an air-tight place. They're twice as comfortable.” After Aunt Susan Maria and Robcy Jane Honey Ella had refreshed themselves with a glass of elderberry wine, served from the Rhodes’ best frosted pitcher, from the best frosted glasses, the two sat rocking for a few minutes until Aunt Susan Maria burst out: “T tell you what, these here modern improvements ain’t all they're cracked up to be. Not by a long shot. Stationary tubs, that you can’t put out in the shed, out of sight, when the washing is done, ain’t my notion of what’s neat and tidy, and as to bathtubs, I don’t never intend to monkey with fate and go before the Lord calls me, by getting into one. Only the other day I read in the paper about a man drowned in a bath- tub, but I never hearn tell of any one drowning in a wash bowl! “As to hard wood floors, lack-a-mercy-me! Give me a good Brussels carpet that will wear for years and fit nice and tight, and keep the dust from circulating, and I don’t want nothing better. Wood floors and rugs is only intended for lazy folks. “Some folks have the qucerest notions about wall paper, don’t you think so?” Robey Jane Honcy Ella nodded, sipping appreciatively at the elderberry wine, made as only Aunt Susan Maria can make it, and partaken of with gusto. by the temperance circle at each session. here’s them as likes walls all one shade of plain brown or green, but that’s too monotonous for me. Give me plenty of figures in wall paper, say I, and then you've always got something to look at. “Tt’s an awful thing to say about my own son, but he ain’t got a com- fortable chair in his house. I blame it on his wife, though. She’s all for style, rather than comfort. All they have to sit on is black oak chairs, missionary I think they call ‘em, and now I don’t wonder that as a rule missionaries are short lived. I guess they don’t do much sittin’ down. These chairs ain’t got a sign of a cushion in the seat, and the backs are just high enough to come right to the middle of my back. That ain’t . like high-backed chairs with cushions tied in, and a tidy on to keep my hair from catchin’, Then I can take some comfort. “As for furnaces, I'd almost as soon have a pipe in my house as a furnace. There ain’t a mite of comfort in them. Give me a good old sheet iron self-feeder and I can keep warm. The nickel looks so nice and cheerful, too, When a woman tells me she only burned three tons of coal last winter, I’m tarnation certain she spends all her time calling on her neighbors to keep warm by their fires. That amount of coal wouldn’t keep a hot house warm, let alone a cold one. “Oh, must you go? I hope you don’t think I meant you don’t burn no coal, although of course every one in the village knows you never buy none. I’m sure you're welcome to come in and get heated up any time.” “It beats all how uppish some are,” Aunt Susan Maria pondered as Robey Jane Honey Ella planked down the best frosted glass and flaxed out of the house. ‘However, she'll come back about the time chills start running up and down her spine. It’s either visit or buy coal, and the first is cheapest.” Bad to Worse Mollie—What do you think of the tattooing fad? Coddle—I don't think very well of it. Mollie—Why Coddle—A friend of mine had his sweetheart’s picture tattooed on his Tight arm Mollie—Uh huh— Coddle—And the next thing he knew he had a wife on his hands. Don’t Let Indigestion Spoil Your Vacation Change of water, change of climate, hotel and dining car food, the inconvenience of traveling: combine to upset digestion and spoil the good time you are expecting. You can’t carry your own provisions and drinking water. But you can be sure to take a bottle of Nujol on your vacation. It's the surest and safest preventive of digestive troubles. Nujol helps to remove decaying waste matter from the intestines before it has a chance to poison the system. In this way it prevents the head- aches. weariness and depression as well as other more serious diseases caused by intestinal poisoning. Nujol is particularly good for young children. It is excellent for the mother with a nursing infant, as it in no way affects the baby’s feeding. The infant will enjoy it and it will do as much im as it does for the mother. jol is not habit forming; the longer you take it, the less you need it. Nujol does not gripe, relieves you of straining, does not weaken (even when taken in large quantities), it is not absorbed into the system, does not upset the stomach, is absolutely pure and harmless and is pleasant to take. Nujol is sold only in pint bottles bearing Nujol trademark— never in bulk. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) Ut the Internal Cleanser Bayonne New Jersey