Judge — July 14, 1917 — page 26: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Keep Fit—for Your Country In this world c itis your duty, above everything else, to keep yourself in good condition You can't serve your country in any ‘capacity if you allow your health to run down. The Nujol treatment will make you a national asset— not a liability. Take a little Nujol upon rising and retiring and it will remove waste matters and poisons (intestinal toxins) from your system, and keep your habits regular as clock work. Nujol is not habit forming. (The longer you take it, the less you need it.) No griping, straining, upset stomach or weakening. Nujol is absolutely pure and harmless, and is pleasant to take. Even the infant will enjoy it, and it will do as much for him as it does for his mother. Nujol is sold in pint bottles only, bearing Nujol trademark, never in bulk. Nujol is absolutely distinctive and individual. There is no other product on the market like it. STANDARD OIL COMPANY (New Jersey) Bayonne New Jersey Nujol the Internal Cleanser | are so carcless.” JUDGE with Smiles peamenr cr vanes | Stories Solicitude—* Charley, dear,” said young Mrs. Torkins, “I want you to | promise that if you decide to enlist you will tell me all about it without dela: hat for?” it Lo speak to the General, so that he won't let you forget your overshoes and eat things that disagree with you. You know, Charley Washington Evening Star. Economical—Harry Lauder tells the following story about a funeral in Glasgow and a well-dressed stranger who took a scat in one of the mourn ing coaches. ‘The other three occupants of the carriage were rather curi ous to know who he v nd at last one of them began to question him. The dialogue went like thi . am. Ibe a brither of the corp?” ; I'm no’ a brither 0° the corp.” cl, ye'll be his cousin?” o, I’m no’ a cousin.” At any rate ye'll be a frien’ 0’ the corp?” “Na. I'm not that cither. Ye sce, I’ve no been very weel masel,” stranger explained, complacently, ‘an’ my doctor ordered me carria, exercise, so I thought this would be the cheapest way to tak’ it.”"—Pitts- burgh Post. What Frightened Him—Betty was milking the cow when the mad bull tore over the meadow. Betty did not stir, but continued milking. Observers who had run into safety saw to their astonishment that the bull stopped dead within a few yards of the maid and cow, turned round, and went away sadly. \ “Weren't you afraid?) Why did he run away?” asked every one of Betty. “He got sca id Betty. “This cow is his mother -—Good Jests. Why He Backed Out—Benjamin Birdie, the famous jockey, was taken suddenly ill, and the trainer advised him to visit a doctor in the town “He'll put Aid The same evening he found” Benjamin ‘lying curled up in the stables, kicking his legs about in agony. “Hallo, Benny! Haven't you been to the doctor?” “Yes “Well, didn’t he do you any good?” “IT didn’t go in. When 1 got to his house there was a brass plate on his door—Dr. Kurem. Ten to one’—and I wasn’t going to monkey with a long shot like that!”—V. Y. Globe An Ultimatum—A trawler one evening came into a port where lay at anchor a destroyer flotilla. She dropped her “hook” foul of the firs second ships, and the efforts of the officer of the watch on the leading ship to her to move her were fruitless. On the matter being reported to the commodore, he went aft and hailed the intruder: “Hullo, there. You're foul of my billet, and you must clear out and anchor elsewhere. I’m in command of this flotilla—who are you?” Back came the answer, appalling in its audacity and disregard of service convention: “Ah'm the Star o’ Bethlehem —and Ah've set for th’ night.”—Loendon Opinion. Rivalry—The scene was a cinema place, where the Somme battle-pictures were being flickered. As the Warwickshires were seen going over the top to the attack, an excited Birmingham man exclaimed, triumphantly: “What about your Highland regiments now?" As luck would have it, there was a short, bandy-legged Scot in a kilt vithin hearing. He flared up and replied: “What aboot oor Hiclant regiments? Why, they are keepin’ back the Germans while your men are gettin’ their pho- tographs taken!""—Highland Humor. Advice—An Irishman went into a public-house the other day and called for a glass of beer. The service was not to Pat's satisfaction, so he quictly asked the publican how many tels of beer he sold in a week. en,” replied the public “T think,” replied Pat, “if to sell cleven barrels a we ed,” said the landlord, handing him a pint. ‘How am I to do it?” ing a big drink at his new pint, “Always fill your glasses.” — stand me a pint I could put yez on a plan Tit-Bits. comicbooks.com