Judge — June 2, 1917 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE CREDO OF A BENEDICK ‘ Adam’s fall and Eve's recall from Eden I believe I That they raised Cain is all too plain, unless all signs deceive. Of Jonah’s whale—queer gastric tale!—[ make no sort of doubt; Why should that fish its prophets wish to eat, let George find out. Ml foodstuffs rare, both here and there, will have their ups and downs; And Danicl when in lions’ den no lion’s menu crown In bold John Smith and all his kith, and Pocahontas, too; I do believe, Old Rip I grieve, and Hendrick Hudson’s crew If other myths and other Smiths there be, why, trot them out! Of Captain Kidd and treasure hid [ cherish not a doubt That Christopher—skilled wanderer!—bound East did Westward sail, T no more doubt than they did flout in Denmark Doc Cook's tale Should Science say to me, some day, “the moon's made of green cheese, V'd make reply: “ Cured—to my eye—but have it as you please!” That men are apes, that lakes are capes—that’s easy to believe Show me the man believes he ¢ st once—his wife deceive! Vain, vain, my grief that my belie ter all so weak! Credulity goes back on me when most its aid I seek. What boots'it, me, convinced to be that Lot's wife turned to salt? One modern wife—full, full of life!—bids all my credos halt! Doth it avail that Jonah’s whale could swallow all I'd wish? She says to me—the essential she'—" you didn’t wed a fish!” Our country’s dad—eyesight so bad!—could never tell a lie. Our country’s dam convinced I am could spot one spot one on the fly! Old Pharoah’s host—the Red Sea’s boast—each fond belief, I'd slay, If I perceived my wife believed one word of all T say! Albert E. Hoyt. THE NOTION COUNTER By DOUGLAS MiLLocu KNOW a woman who is a Scientist and her husband isn’t, and she is a living testimony that mind certainly does control matter. The apotheosis of faith and forehandedness is buying a young man’s overcoat at a sale because you think you may sometime have a boy. When daughter rises from the table and begins to carry out the dishes, Mother wonders what she has been up to now Mrs. Jones says that she wantg to vote now when so few women can, but she doesn’t care to do it after it becomes common. I like to observe the imperfections of others because then 1 quit having spasms of gooseflesh about myself If a pun is the lowest form of wit, then what form of litera- ture is the storyized moving picture? The children have been having measles, and now we know just how it feels to be interned About the time this is printed I shall be forty, and I can’t sce the top of the hill yet. War at least gives us a sense of proportion: we quit reading the vaudeville critiques \ lover in a novel doesn’t seem to have much time left for anything else. \ boy has hardly begun to be called a Mr. before he begins to think about a Mrs. One half of the world doe thinks it knows. \ man is likely to use sharp words when he has to get them in cdgewise. When it comes to liking to talk sho, live the way the other half nothing quite equ housewife. \ patriotic shouter is good, but a patriotic shooter is better, Woman is the only animal that squeals when it is pleased. When a woman says she won't, 1 to 100 is a poor bet. Many a good impulse can thank a bad decd. Still, comma, a wife is a great comfort. Time waits for no man; but woman? MARRIED comicbooks.com XUM