Judge — May 26, 1917 — page 29: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ii} May 26, 1917 [Stories With ‘Smiles | Precautions—Grown old in the service of his master and mistress, James was a privileged retainer He was waiting at table one day, but the request was ignored. Then the hostess noticed the episode when a guest asked for a fish-fork, and remarked, in a most peremp- tory manner: “James, Mrs. Jones hasn't Madam,” came the emph we lost a fish-fork.” James has now been relegated to the garden. wt once!” nes dined here fish-fork. Get her one reply, “last time Mrs. J Tit-Bits -The Big Boss was consulting Nelse, the janitor, itions of an applicant for a place as assistant janitor. asked. His Reputation relative to the qual *Do you know this boy’s reputation for truth and veracity?” he “Yas, suh, yas, suh, I guess I do,” responded Nelse. “Well, wha “Well, suh, he always tells de trufe. | reckon; dat is, I nevah is ketch him in no lie, but ‘bout dis here w'ras’ty bizness, I'm gwinter be fair you—some say he will an’ some say he won't.”—Macon Telegraph A Heavenly Donnybrook Fair—This Irishman on Sunday heard a clergyman preach on the judgment-day. ‘The priest told of the hour when the trumpet shall blow and all peoples of all climes and all ages shall be gathered before the seat of God to be judged according to their decds done inthe flesh. After the sermon he sought out the pastor and he said, * Father, I want to ask you a few questions touching on what you pri «l about Do you really think that on the judgment-day everybody will be today. there?” The priest 1: °'That is my understanding.” “Will Cain and Abel be there? “Undoubtedly.” “And David and Goliath—will they both be there?” “That is my information and belief.” “And Brian Boru and Oliver C romwell will be there?” “Assuredly they will be present “And the A. O. H.'s and A. P. “Tam quite posit they will all be there together.” “Father,” said the paris! “there'll be little judgin’ done the first day!"—From a speech by 1 §. Cobb ut the American Irish Historical icly’s dinner in New York. Comfort First—Two little girls, whose parents were natives of Norway, had just been listening to a lecturer, who praised the people of that country very highly. Just think! pride “Well,” wanted to, but I thought be her Christian Herald. I was born in Norway!” said one, with a good deal of been born there if I'd and then I'd the other answered. “I could have rather just be born in America, McTavish’s Choice—An old Scotsman was threatened with blindness if he did not give up drinking. “Now, McTavish,” said the doctor, “it’s like this: You've either to stop the whisky or lo: rey and you must choose.” Ay, weel, doctor, McTavish, “I’m an auld man noo, an thinkin’ I ha’e seen about everything worth seein’.”—Tit-Bits. "1 was She Was All Right—There lives in Providence a very matter-of- fact man whose wife is, and always has been, a bit sentimental and fond of trying to draw from husband those little endearments he has ever failed to furnish. I suppose.” 1 you would c “What nonsen: or beauty? You suit me all right.” said she, on one occasion, “if you should mect some pretty ase to care for me. id husband. ‘*What do I care for youth | ‘—New York Times. gi Cause for Grief—He was a very small boy. Paddy was his dog, and Paddy was nearer to his heart than anything on earth. When Paddy met swift and hideous death on the turnpike road his mother trembled to break the news. But it had to be, and when he came home from school she told him simpl “Paddy has been run over and killed.” He took it very quietly. All day it was the same. But five minutes before he had gone to bed there echoed through the house a shrill and sudden | MELLOW s A MOONLIGHT MELLOow as « moon-bathed landscape—pure as a wood- land stream—rich @s the store- house of Mother Earth—“old as the hills Cascade. Original Bottling Has Old Gold Label GEO. A, DICKEL & Co. Distillers Nashville,Tenn. and Louisville, Ky CASCADE If you’re thinking of buying an automobile or motor truck, but are in doubt as to what particular type is best suited to your needs, H. W. Slauson, M.E., editor of Leslie’s Motor Department, will give you accurate and unbiased information that will help you decide right. Mr. Slauson is an automobile expert who is in an unusual position to help settle motor questions. For years he has been studying the problems of thousands of motorists and his own experience and his complete records of other motorists enable him to advise you promptly and accurately on any matter relating to automobiles, motorcycles, motor boats, motor trucks. This service is o, yfrered to out any charge or obligation. asking his expert advice—or PURE WHISKY “Leslie's” readers with- Write him a letter il out the coupon. MOTOR DEPARTMENT, LESLIE'S WEEKLY 225 Fifth Avenue, New York City hase of name or make if you have want to pay special information: charge. thi comicbooks.com