Judge — April 7, 1917 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

sau pS tories with Turn Down—The late Jack London once arranged with a magazine editor to do a short story for $1,500. “And,” said London hopefully, the deal being concluded, “can [ have the money now before I write the stuff? The editor gave a shrug. “Your stories, my dear London,” he said, “are immortal, but you, unfortunately, are not.” Made a Hit With Her—*I suppose you women could improve ‘on congress.” “Perhaps in some things. But there's one thing about con appeals to me.” “What is that?” “The way things are contracted for whether there is any money in the treasury or not.""—Kausas City Journal. Unquestionably—In San Francisco there was a prominent lawyer who prided himself on his astuteness in questioning Chinese witnesses. He was very nearsighted, so failed to note that the dress of a Chinese wit- ness was of finer texture than that worn by an ordinary coolie. Instead of asking the usual questions as to age, occupation, etc., the following dialogue ensued: Q. What is your name? A. Sell Lung. Q. Do you live in San Francisco? \. Yes. Q. You sabe God? \. Mr. Attorney, if you mean do I understand the entity of our Cre- ening next I shall address the ct of the Divinity of Christ, I will simply reply that on Thursday State Ministerial association upon the subj and shall be pleased if you will attend. tion. “Do you sabe God?"—Cuse and Comment. No Quarter for Him—Mrs. Jones talking with old Mr. Ham, a neighbor. ry terms about an imposter who h e, swindling right and left. He'd better not come round here again!” ¢ dignantl: “Tf he does, Ul give him no quarter.” “Quarter!” shouted the enraged old man; “quarter! Well, [ guess not! L wouldn't give him 10 cents!"—The Youth's Companion hey were speaking in uncom: d lately passed through the rimed Mrs. Jones in- He Knew-—Silence reigned in the luxuriously furnished room where asking a rich old manufacturer for the hand of his young Poorleigh ws fair daughter The lover waited in deadly anxiety. Would this great and inestimable blessing be granted to him? He loved Ethelinda, but he felt that he was no match for her. Then the old man spoke, slowly and thoughtfully: “But, my dear boy, I'm afraid you couldn’t support her.” “T'm'not rich,” replied the pleader ardently; “but I’m not doing badly. What makes you think I couldn’t support her?” d's father sank wearily back into his armchair. “The difficulty I've had in doing it myself,” he replied frankly.— Canadian Home Journal. Not a Bad Idea—A youhg man went to a dentist the other day to have several teeth extract “T suppose I ought to take something to deaden the pain, but I'm afraid of this gas you use,” said the prospective patient. ‘The dentist icassured him, and wound up with: “You'll only be uncon- sons two or three minutes at the most.” The patient took out his pocket- ke ever mind that now,” said the dentist: “you can pay me when I’ve finished.” “T wasn’t going to pay you!” exclaimed the patient. “I was going to count my money!”—AN Around Magazine. A group of Northerners at a hotel in Louisville were poking fun at the partiality of Southerners for the titles of “Colonel. Major,” an “What is a colonel hereabouts?” asked one of the group, iately followed a discussion. ly a colored attendant was drawn in. _ “Well, gents,” said the negro, ‘“dere’s lots of ways to answer dat ques- tion. Ise Knowed folks what was born kunnels—it jest run in de blood foh ginerations. An’ Ise knowed folks who was jest app’inted to be Smiles, vas standing in the doorway How Do You Expect to “Work Like a Horse” t treat yourself as an intelligent farmer would scorn to treat his plow-horse? Your body demands careful attention, like any other finely adjusted piece of machinery, It neapond just as readily to good treatment and suffers just as acutely from neglect. Neglect of the bowel function and the habit- ual use of laxative pills and waters fre- quently result in chronic constipation, Drug “remedies” for constipation whip the bowels into action until eventually the system comes to demand the spur of a cathartic before it will work at all, For this reason physicians everywhere are recommending Nujol—the internal lubricant. Nujol, unlike physics or drugs, acts mechanically by ping the intesti contents soft and so facilitating normal movements, Nujol being a lubricant, does not gripe or upset the system. It is tasteless, and easy to take. The Standard Oil Company (New Jersey) has used its world-wide resources in oridung Nujol and its reputation is behind the product. Nujol is the only remedy for constipation we manufacture. The genuine sold only in pint bottles bearing Nujol trade-mark.. All bottles filled at our Nujol plant, absolutely modern and sanitary. © . STANDARD OIL COMPANY [New Jersey] Bayonne Dept. 13 New Jersey Booklet on the treatment of constipation Please send me White Jour name ind sddvess plasaly below Name Address City Bia