Judge, 1917-03-24 · page 11 of 28
Judge — March 24, 1917 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century etiquette and social behavior. **"Telephone Etiquette"** by Ted Chenevix sarcastically advises readers on improper phone conduct—shouting through windows instead of using the handset, being rude while claiming politeness, making callers wait, and not identifying yourself. The joke targets people adopting new telephone technology while maintaining poor manners. **"Fantasy"** by Fairfax Downey depicts a dinner party disaster where pulling out a hostess's chair too far causes her to fall, triggering chaos (broken dishes, screaming ladies, a falling canary, angry downstairs neighbors). It satirizes overwrought anxiety about making good impressions in formal social settings. **The cartoon** (signed "Hal Hanter") shows a cow being milked while men in suits and hats stand by; the caption jokes that lawyers profit from property disputes. This mocks how legal disputes benefit attorneys regardless of the actual outcome. All three items ridicule either social pretension, technological awkwardness, or professional exploitation.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
While the ownership of the property is TELEPHONE ETIQUETTE F YOUR voice is strong, it may not be necessary to talk into the instrument. Just open the window and use the wireless. If you do not know how to make your voice smile, simply If you do this it will be | say “please” as often as possible. safe to talk sharp. Remember to be extremely courteous, even if you forget your message. Never say “hello.” “Are you there?” is permissible. Do not call anybody yourself. Get your boy or girl to do it, and then let the party called wait for you while you finish something else. When you are called to the only to hear the operator inqui’ don’t get mad Do not resent it when your telephone rin, and you find that your number is called by mistake. it, please. Always make the caller tell and repeat his whole story to cach department until he is finally favored with the proper one. When you want to ask a simple bit of advice from your physician, do not waste time in his reception room. Telephone from some convenient point that it is an emergency. Avoid stating who you are as long as may be. Keep the other fellow guessing and so get him interested. —Tod Chenevix. clephone, and you respond “What number, please? at two a. m., “Excuse being disputed the lawyer gets the cream FANTASY UST imagine going out to dinner. Suppose your hostess J is formal. And presume yourself desirous of making a very good impression—she is your boss’s wife or your girl’s mother or your own and only rich relation. Mentally move the company out to dinner. Your hostess assigns you to the seat of honor at her right. Conjecture your elation. The idea is now to summon every grace and courtesy to your embellishment. You spring forward to pull out your hostess’s chair for her. Fancy her pleased air of appreciation. But as- sume that you pull out her chair too far, or she sits down too soon. And she misses it! She does not catch herself or hit the edge and ricochet on the way down. It is a fair fall; there dissenting opinion. Postulate your consternation, your frantic embarrassment. The glas twinkle. The silver clatters. The soup slops. The ladies scream. The canary starts sing- ing. From the flat below are shouted suggestions that the morning is more suitable, if the piano must be moved. Just imagine. But for Heaven’s sake don’t do it! —Fairfax Downey. Admonishing Him “Looky yur!” sternly said an Arkansas Justice of the Peace. “T represent the majesty of the law now and am obleeged to give you justice. If you don’t like that just go on kicking, and I'll shuck off the judicial vermin, and come down and whip you on less ground than a two-dollar bill will cover!” = Yj comicbooks.com