Judge, 1917-03-24 · page 12 of 28
Judge — March 24, 1917 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct pieces of satire: **"The Collector"** (left): A narrative comic by Walt Mason contrasts how bill collectors were historically treated versus how they're treated by modern women. The old male collector was routinely abused—thrown down stairs, soaked with brooms—yet kept returning. Now a young female collector arrives with charm and a smile, and the narrator immediately pays without complaint. The satire targets male hypocrisy: men who brutalize male bill collectors instantly capitulate to feminine appeal, suggesting men are easily manipulated by women's appearance rather than treating all workers fairly. **"The Notion Counter"** (right): A miscellany of brief satirical observations on contemporary American life, touching on patriotism, divorce law, female voting rights, imports/customs, and social pretension. The cartoon below illustrates one quip about "future presidents"—depicting gentlemen discussing prospects, with the caption's humor being unclear without fuller context. Both pieces reflect Progressive-era social commentary typical of Judge magazine's audience.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
N OLDEN TIMES a man was sent among us, on collec- I tions bent. He brought the merchants’ monthly bills, for liverwurst and pies and pills. He was a sad guy, who never smiled as he passed by. So used to rolling down the stairs, and being soaked with brooms and chairs, and being shooed from every place, a hunted look was in his face. My office stairs he used to mount, armed with a statement oraccount, I'd let him'wait for half a day before I'd deign to look his way. And when at last [ took his bill, my face grew my eye grew chill. What pi "Td s here? You’ve charged me with nine kegs of beer, and I’m a prohibition fan, and follow the cold water plan. You've charged me with all sorts of junk for which I'll never pay a plunk. I’m not an easy mark, by James! You can’t pull off your crooked games! I'll pay for what I buy, no more; go back to your employer's store, and tell him that no robber chief, no wall-cyed pirate, bandit, thi an hold me up in this coarse style -go, chase yourself intruder vile!” The poor wretch then would fade away, to call again some other day. I made him climb the endless stair about a hundred times, [I swear, before at last I sought the till and paid his seedy looking bill The male collector's looped the loop: in our coops; no more the marks of shoes kick him down the stairs. Behold, a cheerful dams azure gums. As lovely stern, no more he seeks us he bears; no more we with smile that shows her bbling rills, she comes and springs the monthly bills, She secks my office, where T stand, a fountain pen in either hand. She lays her bill before my eyes, this maid on whom there are no flies, and you should see y winning smile, so full of peace, so free from guile! I do not say the bill's too steep; [ do not tear my beard or weep, but fix on her a beaming eye, and write a check without a sigh. The world moves on; without a tear we sce the old things disappear! Interlocutory Son—Dad, what's an interlocutory divorce? Dad—Comes from inter, meaning bury, and loquacity, meaning talk an the conversation—get me? Both s don’t give the other party away. ides. THE NOTION COUNTER By DOUGLAS MALLOCH Chicago doctor and judge have been disputing whether a certain young man is in love or insane. We recall the expression “high visibility,” but can’t just re- member whether it was in a technical article or a fashion note. ‘The wife says she the new rug because it has some blue ia IS possible for both sides to be right in an argument. A in it. 1 saw the bill, and I should say it has. “Isn't it’ charming,” said Mrs. Smythe, removing her lorgnette, “how children love to play ‘pretend’! he patriotism that is worth while is the kind that is not ly to enthuse but to enlist. : Sam is trying to obey the biblical command, but he has about run out of checks. Speaking of imports, we Americans can be prouder of our customs than of our manners. Some people's idea of patriotism is a soubrette wrapped in the star-spangled banner. There is no telling what state women will vote inn of residence but of mind. In a few years instead of being Uncle Sam it will probably be Aunt Samaria. “Free verse” doesn’t refer to its cha value. Many a great truth has given the teller a reputation as a t liar. Tell me how much a man makes and I will tell you how ext—not cler so much as to its gre much he spends. Green ig my favorite color. Not to wear, but to spend. To fool the public you must make a fool of yourself. The most tragic meter is taxi Imit Facetious old gentleman—Future president? The one who knows—No. Future president's wife! comicbooks.com