Judge, 1916-12-16 · page 8 of 28
Judge — December 16, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains three distinct satirical pieces: **"Parodies of the Fair Green"** mocks golf culture through a Scottish-dialect poem about Tom Anderson, an aging golf pro. The humor lies in the student's decades-long failure to improve at golf despite Anderson's instruction—the pro hasn't aged him into competence. **"How It Happened"** is a brief joke about Santa Claus injuring himself on a roof. The punchline about "Christmas eaves" is a visual pun (eaves/eves), now dated wordplay typical of era humor. **"Friends" and accompanying vignettes** offer satirical social commentary: the essay defines friends as time-vampires who interrupt both work and leisure. "Missing No Tricks" includes a joke about a woman strategically hanging mistletoe early to catch a man—implying calculated romanticism during the Christmas season. The illustrations show leisure activities (fishing, children playing) reflecting upper-middle-class concerns. The satire targets social pretension, romantic scheming, and the pursuit of frivolous pastimes—concerns of Judge's affluent readership.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
PARODIES OF THE FAIR GREEN Tom Anderson ‘(OM ANDERSON, my pro, Tom, When first I cam’ to you, Your hair was like the sunset, Your back was straight an’ true; But now your back is bent, Tom, Your hair (what's left) is snow But still [ haven't learnt the game, Tom Anderson, my pro! Tom Anderson, my pro, Tom, We've played the course thegither; An’ mony a trying day, Tom, We've had wi’ ane anither. Now I maun leave the club, Tom, But hear me ere I go It’s no’ your fault I'm still a dub, Tom Anderson, my pro!—F. Gregory Hartswick. How It Happened “HOW DID you get so badly bruised, not to say battered and bunged up?” we asked of Good Saint Nick. “I was climbing a roof,” he replied, “and slipped off from the Christmas ea The high cost of living has its compensations. For in- stance, it costs fifty percent. more to spill the beans. Friends FRIENDS are people who beli they have a claim on your time and resources. They come and bother you, albeit with the most innocent intentions. They choose two kinds of inopportune times for this. They come, first, when you are busy and don’t want to be interrupted at what you are doing. Th’s is bad. but it is no’ the worst. The worst is that they come around and use up your time when you are doing nothing and when you dor.’t want‘to do anything. It is a for- givable sin to interfere with a man’s business, but nothing is quite so heinous as to interfere with a man’s Icisure. Ponder these facts carefully, gentle reader, and if you happen to be somebody’s friend, stop it at once. He Meant It Crawford—As you watch those kids playing in the snow I suppose yu wish you were a boy again, Crabsha You bet Ido. Then I could catch that young rascal who just soaked me with a snowball. MISSING NO TRICKS Madge—Does Maude do her Christmas shopping early ? Marjorie—No: but she hangs up her mistletoe about two weeks beforehand.