Judge, 1916-12-16 · page 7 of 28
Judge — December 16, 1916 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from Judge magazine (likely early 20th century) satirizes Christmas consumerism and gender roles through three pieces: **Top cartoon**: A couple eloping encounters a "Danger" sign, humorously suggesting marital conflict follows romantic escape. **"Would I Were Back!"**: A nostalgic poem by Lurana Sheldon mocking overwrought literary sentiment. The author laments modern life's tedium—writing for "paltry pence"—and romanticizes prehistoric simplicity. It's satirizing both excessive sentimentality in magazines and the drudgery of professional writing. **"The Benefactions"**: Character Earle E. Wurme's twisted logic justifies lazy Christmas shopping: by letting his wife buy gifts, *she* gets pleasure; recipients get gifts; and *he* gets credit for generosity. A Brooklyn magistrate's ruling about husbands' residence rights adds commentary on marital power dynamics. **Bottom cartoon**: Two men ("Smoky" and "Slim") consider eating at what appears to be a laundry, with a joke about the proprietor's weight. Overall, the page critiques consumer culture, lazy masculinity, and overwrought literary pretension through humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Eloper—Yes, Lucile, | brought this sign along in case we should be followed Would I Were Back! The Benefactions = (Written with the full sympathy of my readers) “y BELIEVE in the Christmas spirit,” declared Earle EF. OULD I were back in old chaotic times Wurme, “and I believe in it to such an extent that I {Vies playful planets whisked and — ike to spread my benefactions over the largest possible area. cut ap capers! And they err who say I am lazy—too lazy to shop, simply be- Before, aye, long before, the age of thymes cause I Tet my wife do all the holiday buying for me. I practise And Magazines and Illustrated Papers! =) sreby.a three-fold joy. By permitting my wife to dothe Christ- Would I were back in prehistoric day mas shopping I give her the pleasure of buying; by contrib- j _ Long ere this fad for morbid introspections; —_ uting my share of presents to others I give those others the ; Before the age of novel-writing craze, pleasure of receiving gifts at the time of year when gifts are Acceptance slips—and editor's rejections! in order; and by giving those presents in so cheerful a man- T'd like to be once more a Singing Ape, ner I myself become one of my own benefactors, for I] reap An Icthyosaurus or a big Gorilla, the harvest of the double-joy, thereby making it three-fold.” Regardless of a sonnet’s style or shape, A ‘And with no further thought of lead or filler. Brooklyn magistrate decides that the husband has the right to select the place of residence for his family. Ah, me! Those were fine times—those primal aeons! But what fun is it to live alone? I wonder why I ever evoluted To spend a lifetime turning tuneless pacans For paltry pence! My skill is so unsuited! ‘This hurling words, words, words at helpless readers Was not my stunt—these things our fate does for us! I should be back among our primal leaders Chucking my lemons at some Cetasaurus! —Lurana Sheldon. As You Look at It “OX OF the biggest arguments in favor of immortality,” voiced Earle E. Wurme, “is the Christmas shopping craze among women. Never yet, since department stores opened their doors for the sale of neckties, slippers, suspend- — jy ~~ I lac crs, belts, gloves, cigars and a million kindred what-nots at the meee €s CIT merry Yuletide, has there been a woman who did not, with her SmokyDo you think we could get a bite to eat here? heart and soul, believe in the sweet buy-and-buy.” Slim—No. not after sizing up the belt line of that wash. RY XUM