Judge — September 16, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

KS 8 ye Parodies of the Fair Green Recessional ATRON of Golfers, known of old, Lord of our game from week to week, Beneath whose kindly hand we hold Dominion over spoon and cleck, Saint Andrew's shade, be with us yet, Lest we forget! Lest we forget! The arguing and fight- ing dies, And we are weary, worn of sou Still stands thin sacrifice, A “high one” at the Nineteenth Hole. Saint Andrew’s shade, be with us yet, Lest we forget! Lest we forget! If, drunk with sight of Par, we loose Wild tongues that at the duffers s coff— Such boastings as the Caddies use, Or lesser breeds that know not golf, Saint Andrew’s shade, be with us yet, Lest we forget! Lest we forget! For alibis, whose fond recourse Is talk of “if” and “how" “but”; For players who obstruct the course, And putting know not how to putt— For bettered lie and unscored stroke, Saint Andrew y on thy folk! —F. Gregory Hartswick. One Illustration “In Germany, where the wo- men are doing men’s work, there seems to be some agitation about the pay,” said the delver into social problems. “Do you think a woman should get a man’s wa ” Well, my wife gets mine,” replied Henpeckke, sadly. Giving Her a Chance “The great trouble with too many men, I’m afraid, is that they treat their wives as mere children. They don’t put any real responsibilities upon them in the way of managing fi- nances I mean. Most men carn the money and pay the bills and never give their wives any chance to develop ability in looking after moncy matters.” “You're right. I give my wife a dollar a week to handle just as she may see fit, whether she needs it or not.” Symptoms Friend —What is your baby going to be when he grows up? pancier—A blackmailer, I’m afraid. Friend—Impossible!: What makes you think so? Financier —We have to give him some- thing every little while to keep him quiet. No One to Sew Them On “Here's a concern advertising a shirt without buttons,” said the married man. “Nothing new about that,” replied the bachelor. “I’ve been wearing them for years.” THE CAUSE OF HIS DELIGHT Dudely—You seem to be quite happy this morning. Jim. Jim—Yes ; my wife bought me some cigars, and the kid played war in the tub and used them in his submarine for torpedoes. Ballade of Housewives in 1916 ARDEN, lawn and meadowland, Stretching far as eye can see, With a home well built and planned, These good things belong to me. Happiness you will agree Ought to follow by the book, But although I bow the knee, No one comes to be my coc Would T had at my command Lamp slaves such as used to be In Aladdin's time, to hand Wondrous dishes in for tea. Willingly I'd y the fee Though my Afrit were a crook. Happy days I sigh for thee! No one comes to be my cook. ENVOI idence has heard my plea, here's the bell, I'll take a look. Little matters her degree— Some one comes to be my cook! —Kate B. Burton. His Little Lapse “Tl say for him,” stated Miss Annabelle Tammers in confi- dence over the back fence to Mrs. Judge Tubman, “that as a rule my brother-in-law, L; Spink, is a placid and even tempered man and very seldom utters a careless rema other day, when a boy ing that the Methodist church was on fire, Lyman jumped right up and shouted ‘Holy smoke just the same as the most thoughtless person in the com- munity might have done.” An Invitation? Flubdub—That's a bad cold you have, Guzzler. Are you tak- ing anything for Thanks, old man. I don't care if I do. Just Cause She (argumentatively you see one good reason for the short fad? He (chithusiastically) — I can sce two of them.