Judge, 1916-07-15 · page 9 of 28
Judge — July 15, 1916 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes early 20th-century Jewish-American immigrant culture through two Jewish characters—Max Markowitz (a skirt manufacturer) and Henry Shapiro (his bookkeeper brother-in-law)—discussing wedding speech etiquette. The humor derives from their Yiddish-influenced English ("skoits" for skirts, "weiber" for women, "mechula list") and Max's anxious, over-prepared personality. He conflates trivial concerns (whether ladies will wear a particular skirt style) with major unknowns (war, rain), using this to justify obsessive speech preparation. Henry's advice mocks conventional wedding speech clichés: claiming you're "not a speaker," complimenting the ladies' beauty to "rob you of speech," and pretending you forgot your prepared remarks while claiming spontaneity. The accompanying cartoon about a detective joke provides comic relief but appears disconnected from the main narrative. The satire gently ridicules both immigrant anxiety about social propriety and the hollowness of wedding speech conventions.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Maybe my father could help you, mister, he’s a detective” MARKOWITZ AND HENRY—They Discuss Wedding Speeches and Politics By LOU COHENRY, prepare for me a specch for Freedman Brothers, our best customers’ daughter’s wedding wi lan & Son’s son to-morrow night in Tuxedo Hall, Markowitz, the skirt manu- facturer, to Henry Shapiro, his bookkeeper and brother- in-law. “You got more edu- cation from me, so tell me now or write me out what I should say.” “How do you know they will ask you to make a speech?” asked Henry, smil- ing. “How do you 4 know we are go- ing to go to war? How do you know we are going to have a rain? How do you know ladies will wear No. 835?” angrily demanded Markowitz. “You don’t for know sure, do you? Yet we got guns and umbrellers and skoits! I believe in preparedness, from skoits to speeches! When Herman Gordon, the big lawyer, what will surely be the toastmaster by such a swell wedding, will get up and say, ‘now we'll have a few woids from Mr. Max Markowitz, the leading skoit manufac- turer, what makes such beautiful skoits, that they’re wearing them now where they never was wearing them before, even by the Philippines,’ do you think I want to stand up like a lemech and say nothing? I want to have a ready-made speech that I should say like it was made to order.” “Alleright, alleright,” said Henry soothingly. “T'll prepare for you a speech, but remember, Max, when Mr. Gordon introduces you, you must look so surprised like you got a check in full from Hy- man & Co., what's on your mechula list. Then tell them what everybody tells them by wed- RAB ding speech: That you ain’t a speecher but a manufac- turer. They will know it anyway before you finish, but like y, it’s good to have them prepared. Then you say you 1 man and ain’t got much experience by speeches, ¢ a chance to practice. When you say that, all the men will be glad and look at their weiber who will look at you like you was the instalment collector. But then you must say that the ladies all around you look so beautiful, that it has robbed you of your power of speech. The ladies will be tickled and the men will hope it’s true. Then tell them that you ain’t prepared a speech, and that you are a better story teller than a speechmaker; and that you prepared a story but forgot it in your other suit. Then a joker in the “KNOW THYSELF” comicbooks.com