Judge — July 15, 1916 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PRECAUTIONS FOR MEN DURING LEAP YEAR F A GIRL invites you to her home more than twice a week for dinner, bear in mind for what purpose a goose is stuffed before Christmas. If a girl tells you men whom she doesn’t love want to marry her, and the man she loves isn’t aware of it, then looks at you: don’t wait till the noose is around your neck; offer to help rope him in. If a girl tells you no one has ever understood her as you have, make up your mind it’s time to begin misunderstanding her. If a girl tells you she has learned to prepare five kinds of meat at cooking school, be sure to tell her you're a vegetarian. Ifa girl tells you she’s devoted to her mother, five sisters and three maiden aunts, that they all live together, and that the man she marrics could come right into the heart of the family, tell her you think it would be a crime of anyone to intrude upon so happy a home. Take your hat, and if you reach the door- step, say a little pray If a girl tells you no one will ever exist for her after she’s married but her husband, find the fellow who falls for her and warn the poor devil to take out a heavy life insurance. So much collar-and-leash devotion would kill any man. If a girl tells you she has money in her own right, and you've intimated that you have a sincere but penniless affection for her, consider first: whether your digestion is good before you make up your mind to eat that money three times a day. If a very plain girl tells you all the women in her family married at twenty and that her twentieth birthday is to-morrow, you might gently remind her that it is the exception that proves the rule. If a girl tells you she’s lost thirty pounds be- cause you once casually remarked you could only love a thin girl; just look unconscious for an instant and the bone of contention will consider herself yours “till death do ye part.” If a girl tells you she can’t help being honest, she must confess that she loves you and wants you for her husband, if you don’t care to accept her don’t hesit Remember a woman who AS THE TWIG IS BENT IBER Jones?” asked the first old grad. “Saw him the other day.” “Remember old Jonesy?” said the other. “Should say I did! Didn't he always sit next me in exams? And didn’t he borrow every last pencil I had? er had one himself—or if he did his knife was too dull to sharpen it. Remember old Jonesy? will you ever forget the time he came to school shy all his suspender buttons but two, and one of those just hanging by the gills? Or the time Bully Atkins beat him up because he forgot to—Great Scott! What's become of Jonesy, anyhow?” “Oh, he’s organizing preparedness parades. come of Bully Atkins?” “Oh, he’s holding pacifist meetings.” What's be- A dentist swears mechanically. He uses a rubber dam. Anxious mother—1 wish you would speak to my son about smoking. Bishop. Tell him he won't go to heaven if he persists in it. is so frank herself cannot fail to appreciate honesty in another. —Violet M. LeRoy. The Bishop—My dear lady, that arrangement is out of date. he won't get on the ball team. Tl warn him that comicbook