Judge, 1916-05-20 · page 10 of 28
Judge — May 20, 1916 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a Yiddish-inflected humor piece featuring two Jewish businessmen (a shirt manufacturer and his bookkeeper brother-in-law) debating the burdens of the U.S. presidency through working-class perspective. **The Setup:** Max's son Lester earned a school medal, prompting Max to jest that Lester could run for President. Henry responds seriously, exploring why being President is actually miserable despite apparent advantages. **The Satire:** Henry catalogs presidential troubles: constant demands from politicians' relatives seeking patronage jobs, inability to make private decisions without political telegrams arriving from various states, and the impossible demand for "neutrality"—acting without personal feelings while managing endless competing interests. **The Point:** The humor inverts typical reverence for high office. Using immigrant vernacular and working-class logic, it depicts the presidency as an exhausting popularity contest where the President serves everyone else's interests while suppressing his own humanity. The final "neutral" explanation—a bystander pocketing disputed money while others fight—satirizes how politicians claim neutrality while actually serving their own interests. The cartoon's ship imagery above reinforces presidential navigation through turbulent political waters.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
MARKOWITZ AND HENRY~-They Discuss the Troubles of a President By LOU Rab HAT DO you think, Henry, my Lester got “A President,” continued Henry, “can’t say even ‘it’s a nice a medal in school, yesterday proudly day,’ without getting a telegram from Atlanta, Georgia, or El Reno, remarked Max Markowitz, the — skirt manufacturer, to Henry Shapiro, his bookkeeper and brother-in-law, during a lull in business activities. “Lester, a medal?” questioned Henry “If you would tell me that Lester was elected President from the United States, I would believe you more! You told me yourself, that the boy don’t know even how to keep a pinocle account straight and now you sa nt “Did I told you he got a medal for his head interrupted Markowitz. “Oser! He got it for his feet! If Lester could loin so good with his head like he runs with his feet, he could run for President, too, and have a chance to become the greatest and the happiest man in the woild!” “ The happiest man in the woild!” exclaimed Henry sarcasti cally. “Of course, if you ask a President 1s he happy? He'll say sure! Just like every married man, when his wife is around But [ bet you, Max, if you would examine a President's heart like a doctor, and hear his feelings inside, you would find a whole lot ‘O! Oys!’ mixed up with the hurrays.” “Why should he worry?” demanded Markowitz. “His rent is paid, he gets big wages in cash and he ain't got trouble from poor relations. If a thoid cousin from his wife comes around and tells him a second mortgage comes due on the foist, the President makes him a fourth general from the postmaster, and he stops bothering him.” “Stops bothering him?” repeated Henry dubiously, “ Maybe his own family, But a President is got such a big family from the pol side, like he was King Solomon with a thousand mother-in-laws; and each one wants him to get a job for a favorite son. All the time they’re hanging around. He can’t even play a game of solitaire. Every time he lays out the cards, he’s afraid a two-spot will jump up and try to get in the king’s place. A President is got to act like he ain’t got no feelings. He’s got to be what no man ain’t—neutral.” Neutral? What is neutral?” asked Markowitz. ‘Neutral is,” explained Henry, “like when two fellers fight about a five-dollar bill, what one says is good and the other feller says is counterfeits; and a thoid feller comes around, takes a good look at the bill, puts it in his pocket, walks away and lets them fight it out. That thoid feller is neutra