Judge — April 8, 1916 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Partly that.” “But I can’t produce a play with either of those dames in it, you know.” “Oh, I do a wonderful solo dance. fetching.” “Hum-um-um. Isce. Perhaps I might interpolate your dance in the musical comedy I’m running. Come down to-morrow and let me see it—your dance and the costume.” She came down the next day. Her dance as well as her costume pleased the manager. It was planned, after several rehearsals, that she should appear as a solo dancer in the piece running. She stipulated that there should be no press work until she had won success. The evening came. She took her cue and went on to the blare of the band. Bowing gracefu!ly to applause, she scanned the house, but she did not dance. It looked like stage fright. She ran off in confusion. There was more applause, as well as noises that could not be classed with approval. The manager hurried to her dressing-room. face, he had turned purple. “Why didn’t you dance?” “My first husband is in the lower left-hand box.” “But what of that?” “And my second husband is in the lower right-hand box with a woman I hate, and they’re all laughing!” “Again, what of that? “But I can’t go on again! to appea “What has that to do with it?” “Everything! He’s in the front row!” And my costume is very Naturally red of My fiancé didn't know I was going Cupid’s Calendar WAS but twenty Tuesday last, when introduced to Mabel. By Wednesday to essay a kiss I found myself well able. Thursday I began to think my Mabel slightly flirty. iday we engaged to wed—I then felt fully thirty. turday I learned she had of lovers a procession— I reckoned there was still a score by Mabel’s proud confession. Sunday of fianc¢s she spoke—indeed but barely blushing— Her album gave me visual proof that Mabel was quite gushing. Monday shg sought my photograph. I judged the girl was shifty, And yet, when Mabel jilted me, I aged to nearly fifty! Frank Herbert Meloon. Practical Philanthropy “Can’t you help me a little, Mister?” whined the measly mendicant. ‘I’m trying to raise the price of a ticket to Woppykasook. I've got a brother-in-law there, and——” “Out of consideration for your unfortunate relative. replied J. Fuller Gloom, “I will not gi roua cent.”” Yes This war gas must certainly be a deadly vapor.” “Yes. [had to quit going to the Club on ac Mother (hearing a noise) The Notion Counter T IS a simple process: First he idly eyes her, then he idealizes her, and then he idolizes her. Some of us have as hard a time appearing neutral as a dachshund. I wish the man who invented the dumb waiter would get to work now on a barber. It is getting so you don’t dare rap on anything any more, for fear you will find that it is hollow. It is hard to realize that thirty years ago people sometimes rode on cable cars just for the ride. I never could remember the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon, or a surname and a given name. I solved it by remem- bering the difference between a teaspoon and a surname, and a tablespoon and a given name. The two young ladies at the end of the car are talking about cither what some man said or what some woman wore. The height of fashion seems to be getting higher all the time. A good many men who like to air their views have views that need an airing. If we need fighters for our navy we shall find lots of veterans on the sea of matrimony. There never was a restaurant orchestra so bad that it didn’t drown a lot of conversation that was worse. When a man says he has half an idea, what he means is that he has a whole opinion. The thing to do with a misfortune is to make use of it. The man who came in and interrupted me furnished this last paragraph. —Douglas Malloch. Suitably neutral resolutions for Congress to adopt might be germane but not too tonic. ALL THERE Nellie, dear, is that you? —_Nellie—Yes, mother ! 1 am, scattered all the way downstairs ! Here comicbooks.com