Judge — April 8, 1916 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

O’S ULL 6677S THIS Mrs. O'Sullivan? It is? I was told on the floor be- I low that you lived in this tenement and I naturally sup- posed that you were Mrs. O'Sullivan when you came to the door. Now, Mrs. O'Sullivan, I am a worker for the Home Charity Society and also for the United Uplift League, and just now I am also helping to take a religious census. May I come in, please?” “Oi don’t moind if you do or don’t. thot.” She removed several things from one of the four chairs in her room and offered it to the caller who said sweetly, “Thanks. Just wait until I get my pencil and notebook and some blanks from my hand-bag. We want our statistics to be as accurate as possible. Here is a blank I will fill out first. You are married, I believe, as I have been told that you are Mrs. O'Sullivan. What is your husband's first name?” “Moike. Phawt is de name av your own husband if yee: to have wan?” “My husband? His name is Oliver. O'Sullivan?” “ Honory “Mine. It’s for you to say about happen Now your first name, Mrs And yours, ma’am?” Why, my first hame is Ruth. And your age?” “Forty-sivin come the tinth av Sip- timber. | An’ how ould may yeez be?” “1? Really, Mrs. O'Sullivan, I fear that you forget that—but no matter. We will ” “If it was a guess Oi had to make Oi’'d say yeez would never sce forty- foive again. You're young to be havin’ to wear a false front, ma’am.”” “Why, Mrs. O'Sullivan! I fear that you—but we will let ity Do you work away from home any?” “Oj do not an’ in thot respict Oi s to be more fortunate than you sc that you are away from home workin’ now. Is it because your husband boozes?” “Certainly not, madam, and “Oi've had Ieddies loike you ask me docs O'Sullivan booze an Oi t’ot Oi’d git in me quistion av thot koind first in case a similar wan was comin’ from you. Phwat is your ould man’s job? ‘An’ wud yeez moind tellin’ me how much aweck he gets? An’ Oi’m inter- isted to know if yeez have children an’ are they byes or girruls an’ do anny av cm ‘em wurruk an’ how much do they get He—How far is it to the baseball grounds ? I a= VAN SCORES an’ do yeez bake your own bread or buy it off the bakeshop, an’ do yecz ever touch adhrop now an’ thin your own self an’ do -¢ here, madam, I want you to know that——” n’ do yeez know that there is as much noorishmint in the chape cuts o’ beef as there is in the more ixpinsive wans an’ thot yeez save money by buyin’ coal by de ton instead av by de bag or basket, an’ thot tay an’ coffee isn’t good for your baby an’ thot—do yeez take a bath iv’ry day, ma’am? An’ do yeez attind Sunday school an’ choorch? “There's a lot more Oi’ m interisted to know, same as yeez are so interisted in me own affairs. Are you puttin’ anny money in de savin’s bank, an’ do your husband carry loife insurance an’ is it for your binifit should he croak, an’ do he—you going, ma’am? It’s insultin’ Oi am? Well, well, luk at thot now! Oi niver tuk it thot way whin other leddies loike you in de uplift biziness asked me tin toimes as many quistions as—luk out for de sharp turn in de stairs, ma’am, Aisy, aisy, ma’am; not so fast or yeez moight get a fall an’ thin other leddies loike me wouldn’t have de binifit av your upliftin’, ma’: She’s wint, an’ widout puttin’ annyt’ing over on Honory O'Sullivan thot Honory knows of!” —Max Merryman. She—Oh, about three dollars and sixty cents as the taxi flies, comicbooks.com