Judge, 1915-12-18 · page 11 of 28
Judge — December 18, 1915 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief humorous sketches typical of early 20th-century American satire magazine format. **Top cartoon**: Shows a woman shooting a rifle at a man across a distance, illustrating "Purely a Defensive Measure." The caption references "Wogram" cutting off his whiskers during wartime when dye-stuffs (used in textile manufacturing) were cut off by war restrictions. The humor lies in this absurd "defensive" response to war shortages. **Middle section**: Contains a poem by Douglas Malloch celebrating relentless optimism despite hardship—a popular sentiment of the era. Below it are three brief joke vignettes: one about a neighbor who dodges payment on an old debt; another titled "Nine Points of the Law" about inheriting property; and "Willing to Try" about a couple attempting long-distance wireless communication. **Bottom illustration**: Shows a doctor's office scene where a patient complains of constant fatigue, and the physician requests to examine the patient's tongue—a standard comedic setup playing on medical examination procedures. The page reflects typical Judge magazine humor: mild social observation, wordplay, and gentle mockery of contemporary life and relationships.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Purely a Defensive Measure Couldn’t Break Himself AM a blooming optimist: “Hear how old Wogram got even with Rivers—That fellow across the street al- Islap misfortune on the the war?” ways dodges me. wrist; . “No! How'd he do it?” Bridges—Why? There isn’t anything, 1 “Well, when the war cut off the dye-stuffs, Rivers—Force of habit, I suppose. He Cas commen any meron. Wogram cut off his whiskers. once owed me two dollars for nearly five years, When cheated through an- other's guile, Nine Points of the Law When panics rob me of a “Blessed are the meek, for they shall in- Willing to Try ao pile, herit the earth,” quoted the good deacon. Mrs. Peck—They’ve talked over 2,500 When tires blow out, I only calle “They may inherit it, all right,” said the miles, by wireless. I wonder if you could ‘Aad thiok about: tomperow. backslider, “but they never seem to take hear me that far away, Henry? I try to find in ev'ry cloud possession.” Henry Peck (wistfully)—I wonder! The silver lining, in a crowd The brightest faces—in a shroud There may be laughter lurking Whatever be the fate unkind That worries any mortal mind, In ev'ry instance you will find My optimism working. T have no time for useless tears, I have no time for causeless fears, I laugh at anything that sears The heart with vain repinings I have no time for sobs or sighs; Lam the cheerfulest of guys— I fairly specialize In finding silver linings. And so this Christmas-shopping crime, yearly present-buying time, aves me calm, serene, sublime, And optimistic—ve The things for dear ones all are dear, But here's a thing to give us cheer For Christmas comes but once a year, And therefore let’s be merry! —Douslas Malloch. The Puckery Persimmons S67 RHE pink persimmons now, I wis, Are ready for the frost king’s kiss,” Wrote Poet Penrenn Rucker, “They're waiting for Jack Frost's caress, They're yearning for that kiss, I guess For, Lordy, how they pucker.” Patient—Oh, doctor, | have a terribly tired feeling all the time! —C. L. Edson. Physician—Let, me see your tongue, madam. comicbooks.com