Judge — December 11, 1915 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EVOLUTION Celestine—What a terrible affliction! — Diane—He was born that way. Speaking of Speaking ANY a speaker who thinks he is fluent is only frequent. Oratory in a speech is the cloud effect that completes the picture. I always hate to hear a man say he can’t make a speech and then take twenty minutes to prove it. The worst thing about a speaker who says he hardly knows where to begin is that he seldom knows where to stop. Toastmasters and bill collectors are like evils in one respect; they seldom let you know when they are going to call on you. Whenever I want to behold a simple-minded peasantry I go watch a city audience listening to a lec- ture on the psychology of !ocal consciousness. The difference between a doctor of medicine and a doctor of divinity is that one gives anesthetics and the other gi tures. Did I say difference? A toastmaster is like a boy shooting off fireworks: Often he thinks he is setting off a skyrocket and it proves to be a squib. At every banquet there comes a time when they excuse the waiters and begin the speeches; and many is the time I have wished to heaven I were a waiter.—Douglas Malloch Why? ‘OBODY seems to know just why there should be such a favoritism shown to studio scenes in the short story and the moving picture play. If we accept the current noticns that artists are by nature and training moral perverts,and that it is the bounden duty of the public to witness and | think upon their + icious activities, the mystery is solved. But if we grant artists a measure of respecta and if we doubt the advisability of a long-drawn-out contemplation of pictur- ther took daily walks on Fifth Avenue esque and thrilling immorality the mystery still exists, It is almost impossible to con- struct a short story or a scenario, nowadays, without leading the beautiful, bread-winning heroine into the wicked studio of a hand- some artist, where Bohemian existence is glowing at white heat. Here she is subjected to the insults of the artist’s cul- tured millionaire companions, Here in a riot of Lurid passion and low-browed piety she vindi- cates your carly opinion of her sterling character, makes of the wayward artist a repentant and honorable lover, and hurls herself from a tenth-story window to save the festered plot from the disgrace of having a probable denouement. —H.W. Dee, Explaining His Homicide “Why do you forbid your wives to open that particular closet?" they asked of Bluebeard as he was about to decapitate his thirteenth spouse. “Because they simply will snoop in there and give my best clothes away to the Salvation Army. A man can’t keep any- thing unless he has one closet the wife must stay out of.” Whereupon they voted that Blucbeard was justified. His father, grandfather and great- Too Old to Be Fooled A man entered a grocery store andordered some eggs. “That man always buys fresh eggs,’’ whispered a small egg, peeping out from the depths of the basket. “Huh ‘offed the big egg on top, “yuh can’t tell me that I wasn't laid yesterday.” SHOWING THE DISASTROUS EFFECT OF CHEWING GUM AT THE MANCEUVRES