Judge — December 11, 1915 — page 23: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

3 tic Retort—The drill sergeant was real mustard, and the ts were having a bad time. — The weather had been very wet, and the parade ground was still slippery. jadoing a movement smartly, as an example to his men, the sergeant slipped of fell full sprawl, and, naturally, the “rookies” could hardly repress set ing up with all the dignity he could muster, the sergeant’s eye fel i “Well, you grinning ’yena!” he roared. “What's Sing you? Do you sec hanything funny?” No, sur,” gurgled Murphy ly. “But, shure, Oi wuz just thinkin’ gat a laugh we cud have had if it had been anywan ilse save yersilf, ser- at!” —London Answers. Wonderful Trick—* Now, ladies and gentlemen,” said the conjurer, ing to make his husky voice impressive, **I will conclude my entertai set with truly a wonderful trick. It is a feat which must be seen to be After a lot of difficulty he borrowed a shabby silk hat from hi pience. Turning it upside down to prove there was nothing i e, he yat placed it brim uppermost on his little table and proceeded to produce eggs from its depths. . ; The audience watched with goggling eyes, and then burst into wild gplause. 2 ‘wii 5 “And now,” the magician went on, bowing his thanks, ‘‘I will show you tat, although the hat is empty, there is inside it the hen that laid those Putting his hand into the hat he withdrew a fluttering, squawking fowl, stich he placed on the table, and turned to face the applause. Instead there was a wild yell of laughter. He turned in amazement. stich changed to horror when the fowl shrickec “Cocka-doodle-do-o!""—Philadel phia Record. Knew His Man—Monsicur w d the picture hung to the right; isted that the servant should tung the picture according to his orders. Consequently Joseph stuck a nail athe wall on the right, but this done, he also went and stuck another in on the left. “What is that second nail for?” his master inquired in astonishment. “It’s to save me the trouble of fetching the ladder tomorrow when soaseur will have come round to the views of madame.”—Argonaut. Savage Hunger—Mary and Tommy had been to hear a missionary uk at Sunday school. “Did he tell you about the poor heathen?” father inquired at the Gener table. “Yes, sir,” answered Mary. ‘He said that they were often hungry, ud when they beat on their tum-tums it could be heard for miles.’—New Tork Erening Post. Within Her Rights—A woman mounted the steps of the elevated sation carrying an umbrella like a reversed saber. An attendant touched ber lightly, sayin; “Excuse me, madam, but you are likely to put out the eye of the man behind you.” “Well, he’s my husband!” she snapped.—Chicago Herald. Logical—“ Why don’t you move into more comfortable quarters, old ™ “Ican't even pay the rent on this miserable hole.” Well, since you don’t pay rent, why not get something better?” & Louis Times. _ Too Sour—Professor Copeland, of Harvard, as the story goes, reproved ts students for coming 0 class. __ This is a class in English composition,” he remarked with sarcasm, ‘tot an afternoon te At the next meeting one girl was twenty minutes late. Professor Cope- kad waited until she had taken her seat. Then he remarked bitingly: “How will you have your tea, Miss Brown?” “Without the lemon, plea Miss Brown answered quite gently.— Oristian Register. Not His Fault—Sergeant (disgustedly to Private Jones)—Stop' | n't Waste your last bullet. Nineteen are quite enough to blaze away Fthout hitting the target once. Go behind that wall there and blow your brains out. Jones walked quietly av ind a few seconds later a shot rang out. heavens! Has fool done what I told him?” cried the ser- fant, running behind the wall. Great was his relief when he saw Private 28 coming toward him. “Sorry, sergeant,” he said apologetically, mother miss.”—Boston Transcript. Jt takes Nature ages to make a mellow land- scape—ithas taken Nature and age to make Cascade's mellowness. Original Bottling has Old Gold Label GEO. A. DICKEL & Co. Will you give one family a Merry Xmas Dinner? We are but your agents— you are the host. 300,000 poor people cheered last Xmas in the U. S. by The Salvation Army. Help us in this way to get close to these people. Give them at least one happy day in the year. $2.00 Feeds a Family of Five £24 ns to Commander Miss Booth 118 West Fourteenth Street, New York City ‘Western Department, Commissioner Estill, 108 North Dearborn Street, Chicago comicbooks.com