Judge, 1915-11-27 · page 12 of 28
Judge — November 27, 1915 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate humor pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazine content. **"All There Was in It"**: A woman reports a lost handbag to a railroad station clerk. The joke lies in the absurd contrast between her claim that it was a "small bag" and her exhaustive itemization of its contents—handkerchiefs, theater tickets, ribbons, keys, laundry lists, gloves, thread, pins, buttons, smelling salts, and more. The clerk's exasperated response ("she could put the contents of a seven-room flat into a suit-case!") is the punchline, mocking the woman's obliviousness to how impossibly packed her supposedly small bag was. **"In Keeping"**: A Western man dining with his city niece misunderstands "half-portion" as a regional term, thinking it means "half-acre" when she explains it's standard restaurant ordering. The humor targets rural ignorance of city conventions. **Minor pieces**: Brief jokes about political offices and a romantic rejection, plus a caption about an elevator trap catching people. The overall tone reflects turn-of-the-century domestic humor mocking absent-minded women and rural-urban cultural gaps.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
All There Was in It 66YVOU SAY that you left your small hand bag on the train, madam,” said the polite young man at the counter in the de- partment of the rail road station in which articles left on trains were to be found, if found at all. ‘Will you please describe the bag and its contents?” “Well, it was a small hand bag of black glazed leather about seven or cight inches long and five or six inches wide. I am not sure that I can describe all of the contents, but I know that there was in the bag a handker- chief with a narrow lace edge, a couple of matinée tickets, three samples of ribbon, a sample of taffeta silk, pale blue; a door key and two little a laundry list, a pair of white kid gloves, a receipt for a skirt I had left to be dyed, two spools of thread, a card of hooks and eyes, a newspaper recipe for a fruit salad, a little newspaper poem I had taken a fancy to, a small ball of darning cotton, a yard and a half of Hamburg in- sertion, a manicure brush, a hatpin, twenty trading stamps, a card of tiny pearl buttons, a shoe button hook, a little bottle of smelling salts and a bottle of camphor tablets. Yes, Freddie—Mother, may I let the dogs in? and a little pearl and gold vanity-box and a short lead-pencil and a shopping | nda little silver glove-buttoner and a part of a paper of pins and a calendar printed on a little celluloid card and—it seems to me that was about all. As I say, it was a very small bag and I think I have named the greater part of its conten “*The greater part of its contents,’” said the clerk as he went to look up the bag. “Gee-whizz! If she could put all that into a five by seven inch hand bag she could put the contents of a seven-room flat into a suit-case!”” —Morris Wade. In Keeping Waiter (to Westerner, who is in restaurant with city niece)—Shall I bring you a half- portion Westerner—A what? Niece (interposing)—T! order in these places, Uncle. Westerner—O it is! All right. bring me a half-portion, and a quarter-section of beef and a few acres of celery at is the w How It Was “After all, the office seems to have sought the Hon. Thomas Rott.”” “No; it was merely trying to get away from the Hon. Bray Lowder.” To Miss Joy 66\7OU'VE a charming demeanor, a voice like a flute, But, alas! you're too merry by half! I certainly hoped you would smile on my suit, But I did not expect you to laugh!” Puppy—That must be a dangerous trap! _ I've seen it catch fifteen people in the last few minutes.